Thursday, September 30, 2010

chapter fifty-two;

When lies become the truth, that’s when I run to you
This world keeps spinning faster into a new disaster
so I run to you, I run to you baby
and when it all starts coming undone
Baby you’re the only one I run to, I run to you

I couldn't even drive myself home. My body felt so weak and my stomach was killing me. I still couldn't cry. I was enraged. I didn't know what to do. My fiancee, was having dinner with another girl. It didn't just look like some dinner between friends thing, the way he looked at her, and the way she smiled back. It meant more. I could tell.

Like I said. I'm done with him this time. So done.

I finally got the strength to get into the car and I drove Sidney back over to the athletes village. I slid the key out of the ignition and stared out the window. I felt like someone abused me, but kept me alive for their own amusement. Sidney didn't budge from his seat even though I really wanted him to leave so I could just go home and sleep.

"Ally. Are you gunna be okay?"

"I don't know anymore. It seems like he made up my mind for me. One less thing to worry about."

"Alright. Well, you should talk to someone you can confide in. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"There's only one person I want to see." I sighed, "and that's Jonny."

"Well come inside. I'm rooming with him anyways."

In the back of my mind, all I could hear was Brent's words - go back to jonny, you slut.

"Okay, lets go."

I got out of the car and locked it. I could feel my heart pouding as we walked inside. I felt everyones eyes on me. We were getting closer to Sidney's room. He slid out a cardkey from his pocket and unlocked the door. I felt like I was going to pass out.

"Jon, someones here to see you."

"It's like midnight, who the hell --"

He came around the corner and saw me. That's all it took for me. One look into his eyes and my emotions flooded me. My eyes were filling up with tears and Jon bolted right towards me and pulled me close. It got to the point that I was hysterically crying into his chest. He gently placed his hand on the side of my face and kissed the top of my head.  My entire head was spinning and I felt like I could've fainted. I finally pulled away from him and he wiped my tears away with his thumb. My chest rose rapidly as Jonny gently cupped both sides of my face as his midnight like eyes looked into mine.

"Ally, what happened?"

"Brent. I caught him having dinner with another girl."

"That son of a bitch." Jon snapped as he dropped his hands from my face. "What is wrong with him?"

"I wish I knew. I really did." I sniffed.

"You don't deserve that, Ally. Ugh, if we weren't competeing for gold tomorrow, I'd rip his fucking throat out right now."

"There's no point getting mad over it. It's not worth it anymore."

"See, that's your problem, Ally. You let go of everything he does way too easily. It's not right how you let him walk over you like you have. First it was him getting pissed over a mistake you made years ago, to dating a girl then leaving her for you again. Did he really think he'd win you over by getting you an engagment ring? Did he have it that easy?"

"How long have you been keeping that in?" I muttuered.

"Way too fucking long."

I snorted and crossed my arms out of anger, "Jon, I didn't come here to bicker with you."

"I know. Dammit, I know that. I'm sorry. Are you still coming to the game tomorrow?"

"I don't know ..."

"I want my best friend there, please."

"I'll think about it."

Jonny stepped closer to me and gently rubbed my shoulder, "Don't beat yourself up over it. If you show up it just proves that you're stronger than hiding from him. Don't forget that your brothers on the team too."

"I know. Fuck. I'll go, okay."

He smiled gently at me and I felt butterflies in my stomach again. Stop doing that please.

"Jon, can I ask you something?"


"Why do you bother putting up with me?"

He raised his eyebrow and stared bewilderingly at me, "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

I drew in a sharp breath and furrowed my eyebrows, "I knew that you still loved me, and, I thought you were gunna hate me forever after I married Brent. But, since that's not happening now, I was suprised you didn't push me away when I came back to you."

"I'd never push you away. You mean too much to me. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I'm always here for you."

"Good, cause, after everything that's happened, I just wanted to run to you." I confessed as more tears filled my eyes.

"You always can run to me. But what's gunna happen now? Are you coming back to Chicago?"

"I have to. I have a job with the team."

"Well, my doors always open for you. You know that."

"Thank you Jon."

There was that smile again. He enveloped me into a hug again. I took in his scent as I closed my eyes. Maybe with Jon here, I could resurface from this all.

chapter fifty-one;

I always knew this day would come, we'd be standing one by one, with our future in our hands, so many dreams so many plans. I never thought that I'd walk away. It's so hard to say goodbye. I'll always remember you

I slammed the front door shut and went into my car again. I drove and drove till I found the ocean. I sunk lower into the seat and started sobbing into my hoodie sleeve. I was thrown a crossroad, and I didn't know which road to take. Keep my mothers loyalty and lose the man I love, or marry him and lose my mother forever.

After I sulked for another hour, I turned the car around and went back downtown. The city was painted with the lights and sounds of the olympics. I'd miss how Vancouver looked after the Olympics are over. It was so beautiful.

I picked up a hot chocolate from Starbucks in Granville before I went for a walk along the peir. The winter wind crept up behind my neck and made me shiver. As I reached the end of the pier I saw someone else leaning against it. The closer I got, the closer I noticed it was Sidney.


He turned around and slightly smiled at me. I headed towards the edge of the peir and leaned on it too.

"What brings you out here?" I asked.

"I can't sleep. I'm beyond nervous for tomorrow."

"I know. Brent was really standoffish today. I can't imagine what you're feeling."

"You sound miserable."

"I am." I sighed as his eyes begged me to continue, "My mom, she doesn't like Brent. I guess while I was with you guys earlier, she found my wedding dress."

"Did she get mad?"

"She freaked. She told me to break it off, or she'd practically disown me."

"That's a bit harsh. Can't she see that you love him?"

"You don't know my mom. If she doesn't like something, everyone has to suffer."

"So, what are you going to do?"

I sighed as tears filled my eyes, "I have no idea."

Sidney moved closer to me and slipped his arm around my back. I turned around and buried my head into his chest. The tears were slowly escaping me yet again.

"Ally, I'm sorry. I know I hardly know you, but you deserve to be happy. Everyone does."

I just nodded as he pulled me closer to him. My breathing was becoming calm again and my tears finally stopped, but my heart was aching.

"I'm sorry." I said as I wiped my eyes.

"Don't worry about it. Are you going to be okay for now?"

"I think so." I sighed, "You know I always admired you for your passion of the game, I just never thought one day you'd be a shoulder to cry on."

He gently smirked, "Kinda funny how that works out, eh?"

I nodded as I felt a rumbling in my stomach. I was starving. It was 10 o'clock at night and I hadn't eaten anything except two coffees and one hot chocolate. No wonder my head was pounding.

"Sid. I'm starving, I haven't eaten anything today. Do you wanna join me? If not, it's fine."

"No. I'd love to. Maybe getting out of this fresh air will help me feel sleepy."

We walked back to towards Granville. It was silent, but I think he needed time to think about tomorrow. I just liked the company that he was near. That I wasn't alone right now. I sometimes scare myself when I'm alone.

After walking for another 20 minutes we settled on a small Italian restaurant. The music, the smells, and the warmth made me feel more comfortable. I ordered a mushroom ravioli and a coke to drink and Sid got a vegetarian lasagna and water.

"So, you said you had a girlfriend?"

"Well, kinda. It's complicated."

"I think I can handle it."

"She's my first serious girlfriend I've had since junior. I mean, she's amazing, but she's so hot and cold."

"What do you mean?"

"She has a job in Chicago, out of all places. So she has to go there on weekends, then she comes back to Pittsburgh during the week. But with my schedule sometimes we miss each other if I'm on the road. One week she's all happy then the next she makes it sound like I'm not good enough. She always ends our fights with wanting to just live into Chicago, I just wish I had to the guts to tell her just to stay there cause I'm sick of the shit she bickers about."

"She's crazy. Sid, I'm sorry."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, since I've been away from my team, and the city, and her. I just think it's time I ended it. I need to finally do it."

I mirrored his sad expression and gently placed my hand over his, "If that's you need to do to get some clarity, than do it. I've been down that road before."

"Oh yeah?"

"I briefly dated Jon, and he let me go. It hurt, but it needed to be done."

He smirked, "I thought you and Jon looked cute together yesterday."

I began to blush. Jon. He wasn't the easiest subject with me. I always felt like a billion butterflies were attacking my stomach and my whole body was shaking when he was around. I had to get rid of that feeling.

Finally our food came and we eat in peace. I was starving and it didn't take me long to polish off my plate. Our eyes locked as I took a much too big gulp of my coke. I had to admit, he had gorgeous eyes. After we finished, he argued with me on who was going to pay. I wanted to cause it was my idea to get food, but he said he would.

As we were getting ready to leave, I saw someone way to familiar sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He sat close to her, his hand was over hers. Her eyes were warm as she smiled up at him. Then I felt like my stomach lurched deeper than it did earlier.

It was Brent.

"I don't fucking believe this." I hissed as I stormed over to the table.


Brent looked like he saw a ghost as he stared at me, "Shit."

"Who the hell are you?" The girl snapped.

"I asked you first, bitch."

"Well, I'm Danica, you?"

"I'm Ally. I'm Brent's fiancee."

"You're engaged?" Danica snapped as she glared at Brent.

"He was engaged." I finally said.

Brent looked up at me as empathy glazed his eyes, he had this look that made me feel like I shattered his world. I couldn't even cry, I was so angry.

"Ally, don't."

"NO! My mother was right about you. Enjoy your fucking life." I yelled so loud that the entire restaurant stared at me. "And enjoy your fucking medal tomorrow. I'm sure Danica will gladly celebrate with you."

"I'm sorry ..."

"I don't care."

With that, I slid the ring over my finger and threw it at him.

"Fine. Run back to Jonny, like you always did."

"At least Jonny never hurt me like you have."

"Fuck. I don't even care you slut."

"Fuck you."

This time. I was done. I was so done.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Chapter fifty;

Two weeks had flown by since I went to new york to get my wedding dress. Things were going great. Canada was playing the US in the gold medal game. I was nervous since the USA were a powerhouse team and beat Canada in the preliminary round last Sunday. We'll see how this goes.

I was having Coffee with Sharpie in the athletes village as the boys went to a practice. Even though Patrick didn't make Team Canada, he came up to support the team when he found out Canada advanced to the gold medal game.

"Is this game ever gunna get here?"

"I know. It's tomorrow at noon, and it feels like it's miles away. " I sighed.

"I can't imagine how Brent feels."

"I know." I replied as I wrapped my hands around my coffee cup. "He wasn't talkative this morning."

"That's not like him. He never keeps his trap shut."

"That's what I was thinking. I don't think I can deal with seeing him upset if they lose."


I chuckled, "Fine. I'll stay positive."

Just then, the boys started to walk into the dining hall. I saw Sidney Crosby walking behind Brent. I just shook it off ... until they walked right up to us.

"Hey. How was practice?" Patrick asked.

"Brutal. I'm starving though. Sid do you want anything?"

"Maybe just some Sushi. My stomachs in knots."

"Sure thing." Brent replies as he walks away and Sid sits right next to me.

"So, Sid. This is Ally. The girl I told you about."

"OH! The photo that I signed?"

"Yep. She's a huge fan."

"Patrick. I'm right here." I muttered.

"Oh adur. Yeah, Sid, she's Brent's fiancee. Don't even try pulling any moves on her. Trust me, I tried."

Sid just laughed smoothly, "It's okay. I have a girlfriend anyway. Nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Same here. Well, I knew what you looked like, but you know. Wow I sound so stupid right now." I stuttered as my face burned up.

Our eyes connected as my heart stopped mid-beat. I looked away quickly and pretended that I was looking for Brent. I could not get the flush in my cheeks to cool down.

Brent finally came back over and him and Sid ate their food as Duncan, Johnny and Chris Pronger joined us. They all started talking about the game tomorrow, to lighten to the tension. I kept silent and just intently walked them talk. It was amazing that they suddenly became the closest of friends, but it wouldn't be that way in the matter of two days.

I went home right after that cause Brent wanted some down time. I was okay with that. He wanted his space to get ready for the game tomorrow. I drove home slowly, and got there in time for the final event of the night. I think it was skiiing. I think.

"Hey, mom, what's ..."

I stopped in my tracks as I saw my mom sitting on the couch with her head in her hands. My dad staring at me with sympathy. I felt my stomach lurch as I looked over onto the other couch to see my wedding dress lying on it.


"HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME?" My mother screamed as she got off the couch and walked towards me.


"Alyssa Gabriella Rae Keith. You don't talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk to you however I want to cause I've been bottling it up for far too fucking long."

"I won't let you marry him!"

"You can't stop me! I'll be 23 by the time it happens."

"Well then I guess I'm not your mother than."

I slapped her. I couldn't stand it right now. My rage was boiling up. Who the hell was she to tell me what I couldn't do? And give me an ultimatum like that? That's emotional blackmail.


"Maybe it's a fucking wake up call. Mom. I love him, and I want to marry him. He means everything to me."

She furrowed her eyebrows, "what the hell is that in your mouth?"

"Oh that?" I asked as a stuck out my tongue, "That is a tongue ring."

"A what?"

"A tongue ring! How else can I say it, I don't speak no other fucking languages."

"Fuck it then. Marry him, but don't expect me to be there."

"Mom. Don't do that to me."

"You either break it off with him, or I'll do it for you."

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

chapter fourty-nine;

Maybe it's the words you left unsaid. Maybe it's the stardust in my head. Oh, I just wanna tell you, that my heart is busting at the seams. I can't wait another minute. Life is short, love is sweet. Ain't not time like this time, baby.

"Ally. Don't listen to her. You're perfect for Brent. She's a fucking idiot."

Taylor came back into the room and comforted me while my consultant went to look for dresses. Taylor was right. She had no right telling me it was too soon for me and Brent to get married. I want to marry him, and goddamnit, I will.

"Okay, here's the first one."

She pulled out an ivory colored one, it had no fluff on the bottom, with a violet wrap underneath my chest. I didn't like it already.


I turned around and stared at my laptop, Sharpie is now sitting beside my brother. They're skyping with me while I tried my dresses on, and Taylor had my Dad on her laptop. 

"OH, great, he's here." I sighed throwing my tank top over my laptop so they couldn't see me. I heard Patrick whine as I got my dress tied up. I hated it.

"No, it's not what I wanted."

I got out of the dress and put on another one, it was strapless, silk, champagne coloured with gems on the corset. Now we're talking.

"That's gorgeous." Taylor whispered.

"Well, Daddy, what do you think?"

"It's alright."


"Well, what do you think?"

"I hate it."

"Wow thanks."

"I love it though." Duncan casually commented.

"Thank you! Okay this could be a yes."

I looked at the other ones she had. One was too poofy. One was too tight. One was cleavage central, which of course, Patrick loved. Another one felt like I was wearing a fucking bed comforter. I was getting annoyed. I was on dress 10, and I cursed to the sky. This was taking longer than I wanted.

"God, this boring. I can't believe you all have to go through this. With us, we just pick the cheapest tux, and if it looks good, we take it." Patrick said.

"It's different for a girl though." I sighed as I sat in a silk bathrobe while the consultant went looking for more dresses.

"You'll find one, Ally. Just calm down." Patrick calmly replied. I stared at my laptop screen and into his green eyes. I hope he was right.

"Okay, so I did find one, but it's a little over your $7,000 budget"

"How much?"


"WHAT? I CAN'T BUY IT! I won't let Brent spend that much on me. He said $7,000."

"Try it on, Ally. It's gorgeous!" Taylor exclaimed.

I crawled into the dress and closed my eyes as they tied it up for me. As I flickered my eyes open, I felt tears in my eyes. It was exactly what I wanted.

"Oh my gosh, Alyssa. You look beautiful." My dad gasped as the consultant tucked a veil into my ponytail.

"Yeah, Ally, you look incredible." Patrick said.

"GOD MY SISTER IS GROWING UP AND I HATE IT!" Duncan whined as I laughed.

"I can't get it. It's too much."

"No, it's not." Patrick quickly said.


"I'll put something towards it."

"Patrick, I can't let you ..."

"Shut up, I'm paying for $3,000 of it."

"I'll put $3,000 towards it too." Duncan added.

"I'll put $2,500 towards it. It's for your wedding after all." My dad said.

"Wow, you guys. Thank you." I replied as I started to cry.

"It's gorgeous." Taylor said as her own tears filled her eyes.

"So this is it?" The consultant said.

"Yes it is! I mean, you only get married once."

"That's not true!"


Here's the dress!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

chapter fourty-eight ;

On the edge of something real. I have a choice, but I don't know what to feel. Getting tired of all this fear. Before I choose, let me know that you'll be here. Cause I'm not afraid to fall if you're the one who catches me. Tell me that you'll be there when I'm about to lose it all. Cause you're the one who helps me see that sometimes it's okay to fall.

It was 5 am on the day that Taylor and I were heading to New York. I couldn't sleep. I felt nervous. I felt like a terrible daughter cause my parent's didn't know the real reason why I was going. I sat on the porch as I drank a coffee, looking out onto the lake. The lake where Brent first kissed me.

I heard the french patio door open and close. I looked up, it was my dad. He smiled at me as he sat down with his own cup of coffee. We were silent for a while, but the truth was bugging me. I couldn't hold it in much longer.

"Dad, how do you really feel about Brent?"

"He's a great guy, makes the biggest jackass moves I've ever seen in my life. I guess we all do. He's a great kid, hard work ethic, he seems to treat you right. Well, now he does."

I grew uncomfortable. "Dad, I don't need to be reminded of him leaving me. It haunts him enough at is. It haunts us all."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just, you're my little girl and I want you to have your happily ever after. You deserve it."

I nodded as I bit back my smile, "So can I tell you something, and you can not tell Mom, okay?"

"You know I keep all your secrets. What is it this time?"

"Well, you know how I got in that accident? It's cause I was confused after I left Brent's house. I was still with Jonny at the time, but it didn't feel right. Brent kissed me with this fire I never felt before. Jon let me go the next morning after my accident, and Brent was there for me until I got released from the hospital on Christmas Eve. Brent gave me the greatest gift I could've ever asked for on Christmas."

"What was that?" he asked as he bewilderingly looked at me.

"He ... uhm ... proposed to me."

There was a thick silence in the air for a moment. It bothered me, but I did feel better knowing he knew the truth. He was more understanding than my mother was ... by a fucking long shot. I knew if that was her sitting in that chair, she would've pounced off of it, killed me, than ran off to plot Brent's death.

"I think that's ... great!"

My eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yes! Both my kids are getting married. Is that why you're going to New York?"

I nodded as I stared to smile like an idiot, "It was all Taylor's doing, but Brent and I are serious. We were going to wait a few years before we got married, but .. you know how him and Dunc are. How close they are with each other."

"So it's a double wedding?"

I nod, "If I knew any better, I'm sure Brent would turn around and marry Duncan instead."

My dad began to chuckle, and so did I. I couldn't get over how well he took it. We said our goodbyes and Taylor came and picked me up. After a 6 hour flight from hell, we were in New York. I didn't even have to time to admire the city, cause as soon as we were off the plane, we went right to Kleinfeld.


I turned around and I saw a smaller women in her mid 50's standing near me. "Yes?"

"Hi. I'm Linda. I'll be your consultant today."

"Hi, nice to meet you."

We shook hands as we walked through the halls where all the dressing rooms were. I brought my Macbook with me so I could go on Skype and show my Dad all the dresses since he couldn't be here. Oh, and Dunc wanted to see which one I picked too.

"So tell me about your fiancee."

"Well, his name is Brent Seabrook, he's a professional hockey player. He's 25, and he's everything to me. We've had our ups and downs, but we're finally at a place where we know what we want. Sorry, I'm rambling." I blushed as I bit my lip.

"It's okay. So, how long have you to been together?"

"We were together for a month in the summer, then we split up, then we got back together two months ago."

She raised her eyebrow, "You've only been together 3 months?"

"It's a long story. He's my brother's best friend."

"Wow. When are you getting married?"

"August 10th."

"This is quite a commitment to make when you've hardly been together."

"Yeah, but --"

"No, I'm sure you two are fine. Now what kind of dress are you looking for?"

I couldn't even make a sentence. I didn't know if I wanted to cool my jets, and rip her fucking head off. It shouldn't matter how long we've been together. I want him, always. This bond means forever, and that's what both of us want. Do you think we would've went through all this shit for no reason? No. When you go from being madly in love, to spilling secrets, to falling into a deep depression, to almost dying, to being happily engaged. I'm sure that means that you were meant to be together. This marriage meant starting over and forgetting everything. Forgetting my mistakes, forgetting Helen, and most of all ... forgetting Jonny.

"Uhm. I want strapless, cinderella style, with a jeweled corset, and I'm in love with that feather kind of bottom. Perferably Vera Wang."

"Okay, so what's your budget?"

"I don't know. Brent, and his mom, and my dad are paying for it."

She fake smiles at me as she sugar coats her words. Honey, you've got 'I work on commission here, so I'm just going to lie about everything' tatooed on your head. She grabs the pictures I printed out and stands up, getting ready to leave the dressing room before she looks over at me.

"I'm surprised both of your parents approve of this on such short commitment for you guys. That's great!"

I sit back in my chair and hit my head on the wall. Shit. When she puts it like that, it does feel rushed. What if Brent and I had another fall out after we married? It will be a bigger mess then. We would get through it like we did now? Wait, was she making me second guess myself?