Monday, June 28, 2010

chapter thirty ;

I can pretend that I dont see you, I can pretend I dont wanna hold you when you're around, but we know if I looked in your eyes, I'd break down. If I could, for just one night, to be with you, to make it right. You won't have to wonder what we are, cause you wont have to look to far. It's in the scars, Its hidden in the scars. If I told you that I love you, but I'm doing alright without you it'd be a lie, But I could try ...

I paced the living room for what felt like ages. Biting at my nails, then the skin around them. I was probably making a groove in the floor by now. I heard a knock on the door, I flew over to it, and an unexpected guest was on the other side.

"Gabby? What the fuck?"

"Uhm yeah, my mom kicked me out, and my dad had a billion flyer miles he needed to get rid of, and Dunc said you were here, so ..."

"Your Mom kicked you out?"

"She hates Jordan."


"Tell me about it." She sighs.

"So, do you still want to kill Brent?"

Her eyes widen, "YES, IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?"

"Kay, Jon's at his house. I'll tell you everything when we get there."

I grabbed keys to Jon's Jetta as we both run down to the parking lot. I could feel Gabby's rage boil up the closer we got to Brent's house. To be honest, I can't imagine what's gunna happen when we get over there. We get out and head up towards Brent's place. I only knew where it was thanks to Sharpie. It was shockingly quiet for a confrontation.

"Should we knock?"

Gabby twisted the lock and the door flew open.

"Dammit, Gabby!" I yell. This was typical, she just ran with the wind.

We both walk in and see Brent and Jon sitting in the kitchen. Brent had an ice pack on his lip and Jon had one in his eye. Well, we missed the fight. Gabby clenched her fists and stormed into the kitchen.

"YOU!" She screamed at Brent.

"Do I know you?"

"No, but you will by the time I'm done here!"

"Well, I'd like it if you got the fuck out of my house."

"I'd like it if you grew the fuck up!" She snapped back. "Listen Seabrook. Don't think that you'll get away with hurting my best friend like this. You sir, are a fucken dumbass."

He laughed, "Good to know. I've heard that one before."

"I'm not done with you yet! Another thing. You are so lucky I wasn't down here earlier, or your balls would've been attached to some tree, high up. HA, WOULDN'T YOUR WHORE LIKE YOU THEN, EH?"


We both look over and see Jon hysterically laughing. I bite back my laugh but it's so hard. Helen was a whore.

"I'm sorry, but she got you good." Brent glares at him and he raises his hands in defense. "I think I'll leave. Good talking to you biffle."

Jon walks up and gently kisses me, I can feel Brent's eyes on us. "I'll see you back at the house."

"Mkay, and I'll explain Gabby being here too," I laugh.

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you too, Jon"

"Gabby, this is stupid, c'mon." I groan as I watch Jon leave.

"Okay, just one more thing before we go,"

I let out some horrific shriek as Gabby, full-thottle punches Brent right in the nose. He's cursing so much it could make a mime tell him to shut up. Inside, the adrenaline is pumping through me.

"You don't fuck with my friends and get away with, Seabrook. Come near her again and I swear to god, you'll be sorry. Let's go Ally."

"I'll be down in a second."

The door clicks and I stare at Brent. I felt horrible to what just happened. I walk over and sit on the barstool beside him. I tried to move his hand from his nose, but he pushed me away.

"Brent, I'm a medic in training."

"Fine, my first aid kit is in the closet down the hall."

I get off the stool and go retrieve it. As I get back, I can see the swelling on his nose. I ran my finger over his nose, and it was broken. In one swift motion, I pinched it and cracked it back into place.


"Stop being a baby." I snap, while putting gauze up his nose.

I could feel his eyes on mine as I placed a bandage over the bridge of his nose. It was making my hands start to shake. Dammit, stop this right now ...

"You should be okay, just go see the medic tomorrow and take to motrin tonight. Oh and ice it." I say as throw everything back into the kit.


"I'm sorry ... you didn't deserve that."

"No, I did."

My eyes shoot over to him, "what?"

"I did. I was an ass. I'm sorry."

"just forget about it, I'll see you later."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

chapter twenty-nine ;

He's got me thinking I'm not good for anything. Look at this mess we've made with only ourselves to blame. I know all about your midnight mistakes. but I play dumb
because it's the truth I can't face. Come on just stop. I'm so sick of fighting. I look fine now but inside im just dying. Just let this go. I can't let go

Brent stared at me. His bright green eyes were like daggers as he continued to stare me down. I wonder how the news got to him so fast. I cross my arms and stare right back at him. Pick your poison, buddy.

He doesn't say a word to me. The silence was killing me. Burish and Sharp come out of the dressing room, patting me on the back for kicking her ass. Making Brent's blood boil even more than it already was. To be honest, it gave me some wicked satisfaction. After the two dumbasses leave, I give up and start to walk down the hall. But I could feel him following me.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

"Your girlfriend's a huge bitch, Seabrook. She had it coming."

He runs his hands through his hair, letting out a deep sigh, "Why? Why did you have to come down here?"

"That doesn't concern you, buddy!"

"Yes it does! And don't 'buddy' me!"

"Fine then, Pal! And for your information IT DOES NOT CONCERN YOU" I yell back.

He slightly turns away from me, not even looking at me this time, "It doesn't help me control my feelings for you," he says in a light whisper. I hardly heard it.


"I didn't say anything."

Tears began to fill my eyes and I step closer to him. "Yes you did! What was is it?"

"You shouldn't have come down here, Ally. I know it would blow up and Helen would be all over it."

"What? I have to avoid Chicago forever now? What if Jon and I get more serious?"

"He doesn't love you" He said, catching my surprise.

"Who the fuck told you that?"

"He could never love you, Ally." He pipes back, "Not like I still do."

Wow. He said it. He told me he loved me. But, I think it was time I walked away from this. He watches me fall when I need him the most. He walks out when we fight. He doesn't know how to control a relationship. Which was quite pathetic considering how much of an amazing person he can be. I needed to stop this ache. I could never love him again. Never.

"Brent. I can't do this. You've caused me the most suffering I've ever been through. You can't just walk back into my life and think everything is going to be fine. Cause it won't. Not this time."

"Do you still love me?"

"I can't answer that right now."

Then, his hand was suddenly brushing my bangs from my face, causing me to shiver. It causes my memory to start flooding back to our summer. The midnight swims, the late night phone calls, the kisses, the flowers, the laughter, the smiles, just all of it. Somehow, my mind was stuck back in July cause I didn't budge when he crashed his lips into mine. It took me back to when the ferris wheel got stuck at the pier carnival and we were at the top. He made me laugh till it hurt to make the time pass, and I can still see the sunset in his eyes. To this day. I can still see it.

No, I had Jon. He made that hole in my chest go away. He was the one that stood with me on my rainiest days, put up with my bitch attitude towards people, and made me shake in the best way possible. I loved him more than I loved Brent.

Half of my heart knew that was true.

I push him off me, the tears wouldn't stop falling down my face. I call him every name under the sun and slap him yet again across the face. I needed closure from him, Not this shit. Not again.

I found Taylor in the lobby and she took me back to Jon's place without a single word. I did confess everything to her on the way over, and she just wanted to kill Brent as much as I did. As I get into the apartment, I can feel the tears collapsing in my chest again. I phoned Gina and told her everything. She said she was lucky she wasn't down there, cause he'd be dead. I hung up, kept a tight grip on the rail as the bitter wind hit my face. Chicago was beautiful at night, like a million multi-coloured little stars out there.

I close the porch door and hit the shower first, rubbing off the stained mascara off my cheeks, and letting the hot water fall over me. I slip on a pair of sweatpants and a Team Canada T-shirt and head out into the living room.

Every moment was taking forever to fall past me. I kept watching the second hand on the clock, like an aching bruise it was constantly draining to feel it pulsing through me. Jon, where are you?

Then the door clicks open and I spring to my feet like a magnetic reaction. Jon's eyes are glazed with relief, and a hint of concern as I stood in front of him.

"Sorry, Taylor, drove me home."

He rubs my arm gently, "It's okay. I heard what happened."

I lower my head, "Oh, about that .."

"Don't worry about it. Someone had to do it. I'm glad it was you."

I can't even enjoy his humour right now. I weakly smile at him and head over to the couch, bringing my knees up to my chin. Again, I am drowned in silence. I can see Brent's face in my mind, my lips were still tingling from earlier. Jon's arm wraps around me and I crash into his chest.

"Jon, I need to talk to you."


"Don't get mad, please?" I pleaded.

"I won't. What happened?"

"Well, Brent confronted me after the game. We started fighting and, he said you didn't love me ..."

He clenches his fist and furiously shakes his head. "That fucking douchebag! That is not true, Ally. I love you, a lot."

"That's what I told him, but he went on claiming you didn't love me ... like he still does," I muttered, looking at my trembling hands, "and he ... kissed me."

Before I could say another word, Jon jumps off the couch. In one swift motion, he picks up his keys, throws his shoes on and slams the door.

What have I done this time?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

chapter twenty-eight ;

"You told me 32 ways to make you smile
i did 31 within the first hour"

My ears are filled with the sweet sound of an acoustic guitar, and a deep raspy voice. I lifted my head off the pillow and my heart skipped. Jon was sitting on a chair beside the bed, with a black acoustic guitar in his hand, with a Beatles sticker on it. His hair was all over the place, he was wearing sweatpants and no shirt. I cupped my mouth to hold back my smile.

"You stood amazed in your delighted shoes
bewildered but willing, you didn't know what to do
so I grabbed your cold hand,
pressed it to my beating heart and said
isn't it neat, how our bodies tick?"

At this point, I'm almost giggling. I sit up in the bed and just watched him sing. First off, I didn't know he could sing. Second of all, he can play guitar? Oh Jon, you have reached a new time high in my books.

"Yeah, that's all I got." He smirks, nervously biting his lip.

"Jon ... did you write that?"
(FYI - this song is by a group called Backseat Goodbye, I didn't write this)

"Yeah. Can you tell I have too much time on my hands?"

"No, it's perfect." I reply.

His face turns a few shades of red and he places the guitar on the floor. I keep my eyes on him as he crawls over the bed and gently caresses my mouth. My hands find their normal spot on his neck as the kiss deepens. He pulls away and finds the weak spot on my neck, causing me to deeply moan. What a way to wake up if you ask me.

Later on that night, I was at the hawks game. I was wearing one of Jon's player T-shirts, torn and bleach distressed jeans with a pair of grey uggs. Suddenly, a tall blonde girl sits by me. We don't say much, of course. I didn't know who she was.

The game was beyond what I was expecting. I had seen games at the UC before, but this was insane. I was also sitting beside Taylor, Dunc's girlfriend of 8 years. We got up and danced like idiots when Chelsea Dagger came on for the 5th time that night, giving the hawks a 5-2 lead over Nashville. Patrick sharp netted two goals, Hossa added one, Kaner got one two, and thanks to Ladd, we had a bigger cushion.

"That was such a good game!" I yell as we stand up after the boys saluted the crowd.

"For sure, Helen, are coming down with us?"

"Helen?" I reply, dumbfounded, looking at the blonde.

"Oh yeah, Ally, this Helen." Taylor adds.

Helen smiles, but I notice how horrible her make up is applied. Did she get dressed in the dark? "Brent's girlfriend, and you are?"

At this point, rage is boiling through me. This was her. The one that took Brent from me. It took everything I had not to punch her out right now.

"Ally, Tazer's girlfriend."

She blows a bubble with her gum and pops it inches from my face. "Oh, you're the one that fucked Steeger and ruined what you and Brent had? Good one."

Oh, it's on now bitch.

My fists began to shake and I tackled her to the ground. She's screaming, and catching the looks of fellow hawks fans. I don't care. My eyes were glued to her, like my anger was making me it's robot. I clench my fist and give her a hard blow to to her nose. She starts calling me a slut and begging for someone to help her. Whereas Taylor was behind me, on the phone with Gina, yelling, "ALLY IS KICKING HELEN'S ASS RIGHT NOW"



"I LOVED HIM!" I shriek so loud, I heard my voice strain.



I punch her numerous times, as she digs her nails into my arm. It makes me scream and a little bit of blood falls down my arm. She manages to get her arm free and rip my nose ring out. My eyes are welling with tears, my nose felt like it was being stabbed.

That was the final straw. It was a huge blur, this wasn't like me. I grab a fist-full of her hair and slam her head against the floor. I was lucky I didn't knock her out. Really lucky actually.

Then two arms grab me off her. Right before she was out of my reach, I see the gum she spat out, and snatching it up and pressing it right into her hair. I kick and scream to get of the guards grip. Only to see it was Ben Eager who pulled me away from her.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I scream.

He lets me go and I touch my nose. I'm bleeding. Great. My heart rate wouldn't go down. I can't believe I just did that. I kicked Brent Seabrook, my ex boyfriend's, new girlfriend's ass. To be honest, I felt fucking spectacular.

"DUDE! You totally kicked her ass!" Eager exclaims, locking me into a hug and nuzzling my head.

"I did, didn't I?"

Suddenly, my laughs are put to a hault. Cause standing in front of me, was a very, very angry Brent Seabrook.


Monday, June 21, 2010

chapter twenty-seven ;

I'm flying down the fast lane. Doing 95, 90 things on my brain. Dunno where the hell I'm going, but I'm going after you. I'm jumping on the last train. Got this crazy kinda feeling that I can't explain. Don't know where the hell I'm going, but I'm going after you. Would you give me one more minute? The story's far from finished. We could fill in all the pages. I'm feeling sick, your so contagious. Just wanna say I miss you, I caught it when I kissed you, and I've been through all the stages. I'm feeling sick, your so contagious


I looked up at Jon. My heart was racing. He had this look of either shock or relief on his face. Eh, I was leading towards the shock effect. I stand up and make my way towards him. He immediately reaches out and pulls me close to his chest.

"Jon, I'm so sorry."

His eyes narrow on me, almost looking confused. "What? Why are you sorry?"

"For not telling you the truth on the phone."

"No, I'm sorry. I just grew disappointed cause --"

"No" I cut in. "Gabby told me why. Don't worry about it."

"So," he says licking his lips, "something you want to say to me?"

I roll my eyes, "I love you."

"I didn't hear you .."

"I love you Jonathan Toews!" I said a little louder this time.

A huge smile is placed on his face, "That's better."

I smirk before he takes my mouth into a kiss. His hands run up my shoulders, sliding my zip up hoodie off me. Our lips don't part. As we pull apart, his forehead gently presses into mine as I try to get my breath back to normal. It's not even possible right now.

He kisses me again, and my legs wrap around his waist. He proceeds to take me back into his room, keeping a tight lock on my body so I don't fall. I plant kisses on his face before returning to his mouth. My entire body was shaking in the best way possible at this point. My head gently lands onto one of the pillows, and Jon's over me, kissing my neck and gripping the hem of my shirt. I sit up as he removes it for me, and I glide his shirt above his head. This was so surreal to me. I felt like I was in a dream.

I stop and sigh, "Jon, are we making a mistake?"

"Not at all" He replies, nuzzling his nose against mine.

"I don't want everyone to think I'm some whore ..."

"You're not, Ally. Steeger was a mistake, and Brent pretty much had you under some spell. You need to focus on what we have. You mean everything to me."

"You mean everything to me to, Jon. I can't lose you." I said as my voice begins to shake.

"You won't."

His lips were over mine again, sending me into overdrive. This felt different for some reason. He was gentle with me and treated me like he actually loved me. He wasn't just having sex with me, he was making love to me. Oh god Ally, quit sounding like some romance novel for once ..

The rain was falling outside, hitting the window like a million little diamonds. The Chicago skyline was lit up perfectly and different strokes of light fell against the walls. I was wrapped up inside of Jon's arms, my head pressed against his chest. My eyes were shut as he slowly ran this fingers through my wild head of hair.

"So, Brent knows everything." Jon said breaking the silence.

"I figured he would," I deeply sigh.

"I also kicked his ass today."

This time, I find myself laughing, "Good job, baby."

"He deserved it, to say the least."

I look up into his eyes, "What's it gunna be like tomorrow? When he sees us together?"

Jon pulls me tighter against his body and presses his lips onto my forehead, "I'd just ignore him, he's like a kid in that way. Ignore him and he'll get the hint."

"I sure hope so."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

chapter twenty-six;

You've gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music, that saves you. When you're not so sure you'll survive, you gotta swim, and swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching. You haven't come this far to fall off the earth. The currents will pull you, away from your love. Just keep your head above. I found a tidal wave, begging to tear down the dawn. Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun. A crack in the armor. I swim to brighter days. Despite the absence of sun. Choking on salt water. I'm not giving in. I swim

Jon's POV;;

*Two weeks later*

I still haven't talked to Ally. I needed to man up and phone her back. But, a part of me was hoping that Gabby told her what I said. I know she was drunk. But, that text. Man, it did something to me. I loved her all along, and for her to admit it, I felt like I had the world in my hands. She was something special.

I headed into practice as Dunc smiles at me. He's been uber friendly to me since the whole ordeal. He just doesn't know Ally and I fought though. He doesn't need to know either.

My skates hit the cool hard ice of the United Centre. I begin to feel alive again. The distinct smell of the rink fills my nose, bringing back old memories I had as a kid, dreaming of being here. Now I am here. The captain of an NHL team. Talk about surreal. I still found myself shaking my head. Life is bittersweet in that way.

I see some of the wives and girlfriends sitting in the stands today. It's not usual, but I shrug it off. I see Brent smile to Helen, his whore of the month. I don't get what he saw in her. Body of an 8 year old, stringy blond hair, her make up didn't match her skin, she tanned too much, and on top of it all, she had no boobs. What? I'm a guy okay. She was nothing like Ally. A wild head of chocolate coloured waves, lightly tanned skin, bright eyes, and a fuller body. She wasn't fat though, she was 5 foot 2 and weighed at least 130 pounds, a size 6. Yeah, she had big boobs too. She was beyond gorgeous. She put the Kardashian's to shame.

"Tazer, dude, quit dreaming of Ally!" Steeger jokes bumping into me.

I shake my head, I realize I was staring out into a bunch of empty seats. Brent sends me a nasty glare, I give him one back. I grab a bucket of pucks and dump them onto the ice. We did our normal drills, worked on face-off's, and stretched out too.

"You put your right foot in, and your left foot out!" Eager sings as he leads the stretch.

I laugh as I get up and go fire more shots on Niemi. I had more faith in him then I did in Huet. I wish I had a say in who gets to play in net, but I don't. I have to lead by example. That was that.

Ally's POV;;

I was leaving today. I couldn't take it any longer. I had to go see him now. Today was the last day of classes before we had a whopping 3 week winter break. I skipped my classes, packed my bags and got my mom to drive me to the airport.

"I are you sure about this?" She says.

"Mom, I really love him ..."

"Well he's a good boy. He treats you right."

I nod as she pulls me into a hug. Butterflies kill my stomach. I was going to be in Chicago in a matter of hours. Dunc was the only one who knew I was coming to visit. I wanted to keep it that way.

I get onto the plane and the normal annoyances were filling my ears. Kids screaming, businessmen bitching. I sigh and pull out my iPhone and blast Jack's Mannequin while I read "The Last Song." My heart began to race as Chicago was getting closer into my sights ...

Jon's POV ;;

After practice, I get out and shower. I throw my jeans and blackhawks shirt on and get ready to leave. The media swarms me yet again. I try my best to get rid of them. But, they won't go away. Some unrealistic curse word comes out of my mouth when I get to my car and realize I left my phone in the locker room.

"She loves you huh?"

I look around and see Brent holding my phone. He was clearly reading my texts. Great.

"Yeah, so what? Last time I checked you were over her."

Brent wickedly smiles and clenches onto my iPhone. "This is exactly what you wanted. Wasn't it, Jon? For someone to hurt her so she believed she needed you to run to."

"It's not like that. Because unlike you, I believed in her, and promised her she'd have someone when everyone walked out."

This time, he rolls his eyes. Think this is funny, do you? "Who are you? Shakespeare?"

"Give me back my fucken phone!" I yell this time, catching the eyes of Sharp and Kaner.

"Naw. Jon, you don't deserve her."

"And what you do?"

"I already had her, and I can get her back just as fast. It's clear she misses me." He scolds as he looks over at Sharp. "That's what Patrick told us."

I glare at Sharp, "What?"

"She was crying that day, over him. But, Seabrook, get the fuck over it. She's done with you now. Plain and simple."

It gets worse. Brent and I start yelling more and more and before I knew it. Punches were being thrown. He pinned me against the wall, making it hard for me to breathe. I knee him right in the stomach. His breath gets caught. I catch my phone before it falls to the floor. Nice save, Toews.

"Don't fuck with me Brent. Now's not the time. You broke Ally's heart and she won't forgive you. If I was you, I'd be wondering how the hell I can live with myself. She's the most amazing girl out there, she's different, and you took advantage of her. Nice fucken job."

I don't take a look back. I storm out to my car and head home. I tried phoning Ally, but she didn't answer. I wonder if something was up, cause Dunc left practice early. I shrug it off and hit the button on the elevator. I search for my keys and open my door to my new penthouse.

Just then, I drop my phone, and my mouth is lying open.


chapter twenty-five ;

Cause baby now I realize that I was wrong, when I said I didn't need you. I miss you bad so now. I'm comin' home, so you better leave the light on. This feels like a permanent December. So much colder than I can remember. When I get you back, this time I swear that I won't ever let you go

I woke up with a brutal hangover, no surprise. I get up and head into the kitchen, nod at Steph before I take two aspirin and wash them down. She passes me a mug of coffee the smell slightly wakes me up. I needed a big mac and my bed for the rest of the day.

I pulled out my iPhone and started scrolling through my text messages. I paused at the ones I sent Jonny last night. Shit, I told him I loved him. Canadian Bacon? Wow, Ally. You've totally outdone yourself this time. Good job.

"God dammit!" I said hitting the back of my head against the wall.


"I told Jon I loved him last night."

"But, you do love him right?" He asked.

I sit down at the island with her. "I mean yeah, but .. I didn't want him to find out. Not like this anyways,"

She frowns at me as I shake my head. I really should phone him back. I finish up my coffee as I walk into the living room. His number shows up on my screen, I'm too scared to hit the talk button. Steph sends me this look to get it over with. With a shaky hand, I touch the screen and it begins to ring.


"Johnny. It's me."

"Ally ..."

"I'm sorry about last night."

"It's fine. I know what you're like when you're drunk." He snickers, it makes me feel a little better about the situation.

"Jon, I'm serious ..."

"So, the million dollar question is, Ally. Do you love me or no?"

I let out a shaky breath, trying to figure out of it was the truth or not. I wasn't sure right now.

"Ally, do you?"

"Jon, it's still soon ..."

"So you don't?"

"That's not what I said!" I scolded back.

"I gotta go."

"Jon, don't ..."

With that, the phone disconnected. My head fell into my hands as an outpour of tears come out. What was he doing? I cared about him, a lot. But, it's only been two weeks since we made it official. Steph came and sat beside me, squeezing my right knee.

"Ally, are you ok?"

"I really need to stop drinking." I reply.

She laughs, "you don't need to stop, you just need to .... not drink so much."

"Well, what can I do, Steph? I got drunk, and slept with Steeger, and told Brent, then I kissed sharpie, and now Jon won't talk to me."

"That's not it, actually."

We look up and see Gabby leaning against the wall clutching her Droid. "He's disappointed, cause he was really happy when he got that text."


"Yeah, he just texted me. He actually saved it."

I think I was ready to put my idea into action. "I'm gunna go see him on winter break,"

"You need to. He really hates being away from you."

Steph nod's in agreement, "Just go, Ally. You guys need like, two weeks together to sort this all out."

I nod as some butterflies hit my stomach. In two weeks, Jonathan Toews would be in my arms again. If I'm forgiven.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

chapter twenty-four ;

"So, we ran out of town, away from everyone who was calling us out. Relax, relax. Exhale and breathe, just breathe for me. You are the earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity. Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired. Be strong for me, and I'll be strong for you"

Two weeks later I was sitting in Gina and Steph's apartment. We were pigging out on junk food and watching the hawks game. They were playing San Jose, so the game started at 7:30 for us. It was in the 2nd period, and they were down 4-1. Gee, thanks Huet for nothing.

"I need booze for this, I can't deal." Gabby said walking towards the kitchen.

"Good idea, I still feel sick from seeing Brent score."

All the girls joined in my laughter, we all hated his stinking guts right now. Which was fine by me. Gabby walked back into the living room as we moved the coffee table so we could sit in a circle on the floor. Christina walked in behind Gabby holding shot glasses for us. She had a bottle of raspberry vodka and a bottle of sprite to chase. We all pour ourselves a shot, and clank our glasses together.

"Cheers to that asshole named Brent Seabrook for making me find Jonathan Toews."

"Amen!" They all replied as we threw back our shots.

It burned my throat, but it felt good. I didn't chase it back, I just grabbed the bottle and threw another shot back. My cheeks began to burn after my 4th shot, and by the time I had my 12th shot, I was completely gone again.

"YOU KNOW WHAT!" I said nuzzling my face into Gabby's shoulder.


"Brent's horrible in bed."

At this point everyone starts hysterically laughing. My head falls into my hands. I can't even keep it up properly. I was having fun and letting go for the first time in months. It felt .. amazing.

"How bad though?" Gabby is yelling at me, even though she's right beside me.

I stumble to sit on my knees and sternly look her in this eyes, "Like, bad."

She gasps, "IS HE SMALL?"


Gabby's eyes suddenly widen, "I GOT AN IDEA! LETS GO OUTSIDE!"

I can't get up, but with the help of Steph, I do get up. We stuff our feet into our boots as we head into the elevator, screaming the lyrics to "Monster" by Lady Gaga at the top of lungs. I grab Christina's hand as we attempt to run towards the park behind their complex. We fall over in a fit of laugher. Gabby lands beside us as we stare up into the winter midnight sky. My cheeks were still burning.

"You know ... I love Jon." I confess.

"AWWWW!! REALLY!?" Steph squeals.

"I mean, he loves me, and he's so fucking hot. I mean come on, he makes me forget about Brent."

"Have you had sex yet?"

"No, but, I plan to. I want to. He looks good at it." I snicker.

"He does. I won't lie." Gabby chirps in.

"What was that?" I snap looking over at her.

We start bickering at each other over Jon. I understand she didn't actually mean it, but my drunken state was taking over me. She pushed me. I pushed back. Then I full on tackle her and we roll down the hill at a rapid pace. I didn't know if I should laugh or actually kick her ass.

"Jon is mine!" I scream.

"You're a bitch!"



Steph pulls me off of Gabby and I wipe my mouth. I cut my lip on a rock. Gabby looks over at me, and I look at her. Hysteria fell over me as I bursted into tears and hugged her. Gina, Steph, and Christina just laugh at us as we confess we love each other.

"I'd never take Jon from you." Gabby sobbed.

"I know you wouldn't. I wouldn't take Jordan from you." I replied, referring to her boyfriend, Jordan Eberle.

She nods as she hiccups a few more tears out of her. I hug her again before we slowly stumble back to the apartment. Man, that was a moment for the books. As we walk in, we see the boys won the game in overtime. Jon with the winner. No surprise.

I pull out my phone and text Jon,

"Ayyy, baybay, nice goal you sexy fucker"

"Are you drunk?"

"PFFT. You know nothing."

"Ally ...."

"Kso, I am. But, I love you."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. I highly doubt you meant that."

"No, no, no. Listen butthead. I fucking love you and don't you forget it."

"I'll call you tomorrow. Please stay safe."

"Ay, I can keep myself safe, buddy."

"Goodnight Ally."

"Goodnight you fine piece of Canadian Bacon!"

I put my phone away and storm into Steph's room. Not even caring that she's on the phone. I plunk down on her bed, smiling to myself. It was a good night. My eyes grow tired, and I'm suddenly out like a light.

Friday, June 18, 2010

chapter twenty-three ;

What a waste of time, the thought crossed my mind, that I never missed a beat. Can't explain the who or what I was trying to believe. What would you do? Do you know, I once had a grip on everything. It feels better to let go. I'm not over you just yet. Can not hide it, you're not that easy to forget

After breakfast we headed to the airport. All the guys went onto the bus, but Jon and Patrick decided to hitch a ride with me. Yes. Me, and Patrick in the car. At the same time.

"I don't want to listen to Kesha!" I groaned trying to change the station but forgot my Pathfinder had controls for the back seat passengers too.

"It's Ke$ha to you, bitch!" Patrick yelled.

I groaned as her song "Dancing with tears in my eyes" was being played. Sadly, the lyrics were speaking to me.

"Without you, I don't even have a pulse.
With every move, I die."


Jon's voice caught me off guard as I gripped the steering wheel, swerving the car back into the lane. My heart was pounding inside of me. I sniffed back tears as I sat properly in my seat. Of course, Patrick was laughing in the back seat.

"Haha, Ally can't drive."

"Patrick, your ass is going to be walking to the airport if you don't shut it!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH! Look! There's a Tim Hortons! You can choke on some coffee while you hitch a ride."

"Like it would take me long to get picked up. I'm hot as shit."

"Whatever, Sharpie"

Jon squeezed my hand as I fixated my eyes on the road. I had to stop thinking of Brent. I just had to. But it was hard. His face was everywhere I looked, every song that I heard, just ... I just couldn't escape him.

We found a parking spot and I got out of the car. As I closed the car door, I lowered my head and began to cry yet again. I had no idea that Patrick got out on the same side as me, cause it was him who pulled me into a hug.

"You miss Brent, don't you?" I just nodded cause I was having a hard time comprehending.

"You can't tell Jon, okay?"

"I won't. Your secret's safe with me." He whispered.

"What's going on here?"

I wiped my eyes and looked over at Jon. "Nothing, I was still kinda shaky after my little spiel on the highway."

He bought the lie as we got into the airport and straight onto the runway of Vancouver International. Jon had his arms wrapped around me as we waited for the plane to refuel. I hated that he was leaving me, but I also hated that Brent was going to leave knowing I hated him. I mean, he really did anger me, but I don't really hate him. I saw him at the corner of my eye. He looked over at me and I darted my eyes down to my feet.

"I'm gunna miss you, Jon."

"I know, two months seems like too long .."

"Two and half actually." I corrected. "Wow, that sounds worse."

"It'll go by fast, I promise."

I nod before he places a tender kiss on my lips. His arms wrap around me one last time. I can feel the tears stinging at my eyes. I didn't want him to go. I hated being alone. I'm just going back to my depression I had when everyone left in the summer. This time it would be worse knowing Brent loved someone else. But, Jon and this team were my saving grace, they'd help me get through it. They already were.

"I'll phone you tonight, I promise." He says, then he kisses my forehead.

"Bye, Jonny."

He walks away and I try my best to hold it in. I hug Sharp, Steeger, Kaner, Bolland, some of the other guys and my brother goodbye. Then I see Brent. I contemplated running up and talking to him. Ah, the hell with it.


He looks up. "What? Here to call me out again?"

Oh, this is how it's gunna be? "Forget it."

He sighs, "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for lashing out yesterday."

"Alright. Well, I hope you're happy with Jon." He lashes out this time.

"I am actually. I hope you're happy with ... whoever she is."

"I am."


He raises his eyebrows at the silence. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, you're a fucking bastard."

I just glared at him before I walked away. Two and a half months without Jon. I don't know if I could survive. It seems like a lifetime for me. As I get into my car, my mind races, no - I was seeing him before the Olympics. Mark my words.

chapter twenty-two ;

If time was still the sun would never, never find us. We could light up the sky tonight, I could see the world through your eyes, and leave it all behind. If it's you for me forever, if it's you and me right now, that'd be alright. We'll chase the stars to lose our shadow. Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine ..

When I woke up the next morning, a feeling washed over me. It was the feeling of actually wanting to get out of bed. Jon's arm was snaked around my stomach, causing my heart to go a flutter for a moment. Since he was still sleeping, I decided to have a shower.

"Where you going?"

I smirked and kissed his cheek. "I'm just going to shower, I'm not going anywhere."

He didn't respond, his eyes were shut and he was asleep again. I crawled out of the bed, grabbed my weekend bag and went into the bathroom. The surging water heated up my frozen skin. It was only November and it was bitter outside. I washed my hair, face, body and shaved my legs in 15 minutes flat. Reaching inside of my bag, I pulled out my flat iron and blowdryer and did my usual wavy deal with my hair. I slid on some black leggings, black cami and a purple plaid blouse and stuffed my feet into a pair of black leather boots. I was ready in 45 minutes. Not bad.

As I walked into the room, Jon was sitting up in bed. The sheet just fell below his belly button, cause me to swallow the huge lump in my throat. Why was I finding him so appealing now?

"Wow, you look beautiful."

I smile before I sit back on the bed, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Thanks. I'm going out for breakfast with Dunc."

"Well good, you probably need to catch up."

"I just feel like something's wrong. He was apologizing over and over for what Brent did."

He cupped the side of my face, "I doubt it. Don't worry, Ally, he's your brother."

"Did you try and stop Brent from dating ... whoever it is."

His hand dropped and he sighed, "We did try, but, he's not the brightest person in the world. So we gave up. We knew this wasn't going to be easy to tell you."

I looked at my boots and sighed this time, "Well, he's moved on, so I might as well."

"What does this mean for us?" He asks.

"Uhm, well, I really like you Jon, I do. We need to take our time with this."

There was that awkward smile of his, "So is this official or ...?"

"Yes, it is. You've stayed with me when the rest of the world walked out."

At this point were both smiling like little kids before he presses his lips to mine. My hand runs up his neck as his hand rode up my leg. My skin was tingling all over the place. I felt happy.

Around 10-ish I walked into the hotel restaurant and saw Dunc already sitting down, but Sharpie was with him. I shook it off and covered my brothers eyes.

"Guess who?"





I huffed and sat down, Patrick and I were back to our old selves. I settled on a ham and spinach omelette with toast and orange juice to drink. I actually felt like eating. My hunger has been non existent lately.

"So, is there a reason you're here Patrick?"

"Well, I was hungry so I joined your brother."

"You invited yourself didn't you?"

"Of course he did." Dunc replied as our drinks come.

"You know you're lucky I don't spike your orange juice!" Patrick bickers.

"You're lucky I don't stab you in the face."

"Yeah well ... you kissed me!"

"PSH! You didn't stop me, Mr. fish lips!"

"Fuck you, you enjoyed it."

"I'd rather make out with Ovechkin!"


We both look over at my brother and apologize that the same time.

"I totally jinxed you" Patrick muttered.

"I spoke first, dweeb"

"Yeah well, you screwed Seabrook. That's a pretty embarrassing thing to admit."

"At least he didn't have a lazy eye like Julie does."


Patrick and I looked over at each other and laughed. I was starting to feel like myself again. We talked about my future in Chicago, cause I was moving there after the Olmypics. I was really excited for everything. What would come of me and Jon, what would come of my career, hell, my friendship with Patrick was something to look forward too.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

chapter twenty-one ;

I'll leave you behind, it's not the first time that we've been through this. It happens every time, you hear the sound of my name, at the top of their lungs. This dumb game you play isn't fooling anyone. Are you catching my drift yet? Now that we have said goodbye, don't try and fix it up again. It's my fault that you can't stand a thing I do. Just tell me why it's so hard for you to be wrong for once in your life ..

Jon took me back to his hotel room. Not one word escaped my mouth. My eyes were so gone, I had to keep blinking to set myself back into reality. Somewhere I didn't want to be right now was reality.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked up at Jon and shook my head, "No, I think I should go."

"Don't go, please. I haven't seen you since September."

"So, have you met anyone?" I asked.

"No, but I do like someone."

"Jon..." I started, I knew he meant me. "Why are you wasting your time?"

"You think I'm wasting time?"

"Yeah I do."

He smirked before he placed a lock of my hair behind my ear. That constant pain I felt was slowly going away.

"Well, Alyssa, you're crazy. I'm not giving up on you yet."

He called me by my full name. Not even my brother did that. I kinda liked it. "Jon, I don't know. I mean with what happened with .. him."

"He left you, Ally. Why can't you see that? Why wait around for someone who caused you this much pain? If anything, you're the one wasting your time."

Like a puck to the face, it woke me up. It was shocking what he just said. I really wanted to move on from Brent. I mean, my depression these past months was all his doing. While he was off falling in love with someone else.

"I won't do that to you, I can't imagine hurting you." he whispered into my ear.

His dark eyes connected to mine as I slowly turned my head towards him. His hand brushed my cheek before his lips tenderly pressed into mine. I had kissed him before but this felt different for some reason. I broke away from his lips and stood up abruptly.

"Ally, don't go, please"

My hand gripped tighter onto the doorknob. Tears stinging my eyes yet again. My heart was screaming at me to let him in. I kinda needed him. He made the emptiness in my chest go away.

"I can't love you, it's too soon."

Then his hands were placed on my shoulders. "Maybe you need to learn to love me. Please let me in. You're only causing yourself more harm closing me out."

I was too tired to fight with him right now. "Jon, this won't be easy."

"I think I can handle it."

I felt myself smiling. Something I haven't felt in forever. Jon led me back over to his bed, our fingers laced together. He gave me a shirt to sleep in, and I pulled it over my head. He went and had a quick shower so I just lied in his bed.

Seconds later my phone vibrated. It was from my brother.

"I'm sorry about Brent, we all tried to stop him from dating this new girl. I wasn't expecting this would happen."

"Don't worry about it. You were right about Jon. I feel alive, Dunc. For the first time in months."

"Are you with him right now?"

"Yeah, don't worry I'm just sleeping here. I'm not going to make a mistake."

"I trust you. Jon will treat you right. I'm sorry about Brent ..."

"Stop being sorry, he caused all my suffering."

"Just focus on what you have with Jon. I see how happy he makes you. Breakfast tomorrow? Around 10? We leave at noon."

"Sounds good :) Goodnight duncs."

As I put my phone on the nightstand table, the bathroom door opened and Jon crawled in the bed beside me. His skin was still radiating from the hot water in the shower. His hair was still a little wet too. He pulled me as close as possible to his chest. I took his lips into another kiss before I rested my head on his bare chest and had my first nightmare-free sleep since he left in the summer.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

chapter twenty ;

So tell me when you hear my heart stop, you're the only one that knows. Tell me when you hear my silence, there's a possibility I would't know. Know that when you leave, by blood and by me, you walk like a thief. By blood and by me, and I fall when you leave. So tell me when my sigh is over, you're the reason why I'm closed. Tell me when you hear me falling, there's a possibility it wouldn't show. By blood and by me, and I'll fall when you leave.


All those three months just blended into one. All the summer air went away, all the leaves crunched under my feet then left, now the chill was laying over the city. The winter wind was the only sound I heard these days.

I somehow kept my mind focused on school, it was the only thing that made ... him vanish. I was done at the end of January.

Nothing was the same anymore. I kept to myself most of the time, found myself screaming in my sleep over him, I hardly spoke or did anything anymore. The only person I talked to was Jon. The billionth tear fell down my face as I pulled out my phone after another nightmare. It was 3am, but I didn't know what to do.

"Jon, when you left, and when ... he left, you took me with you. I'm not myself anymore. Who else can I talk to?"

I stared at the ceiling, replaying that August night in my head over and over again, trying to figure out what went wrong. Why did he make that choice? What drove him to believe he could live without me? I'll never know ..

"Ally, please come down here, I'm worried about you." Jon texted me back. "I can't count how many sleepless nights I've had, wondering if you were alright."

"I can't count how many times I've stared at the ceiling, thinking of you. Please save me from this hell."

Days later, Jon was wrapped up in my arms. My lungs were filled with his scent, I felt alive for the first time in months. My whole body was trembling against him. The boys were in town for a game against the Canucks of course. A day I was counting down since the moment they all left.

I went to the game that night, it was probably the first time I've been around people in ages. I wasn't sure how I was going to prepare seeing Brent. I don't know if I was ready for it. It's just a cold slap in the face of what I can't have.

But then I saw him. My whole body froze, but I didn't even look at him after that one glance. I drew in a shaky breath and kept my eyes on my hands. Stay strong, Ally. Just keep it together.

The boys went into the 3rd period with a 5-2 lead over the Canucks. Jonny had 2 goals and an assist, Sharp, Kaner, and Campbell also tallied a goal each. To be honest, this was the first game of the season I've watched. I would always check the site to see the score, I had a hard time watching them play.

After the game I headed into the dressing room. I went right over to my brother and hugged him. He noticed the emptiness in my eyes and squeezed my shoulder.

"Ally, have you talked to him?"

"No. I don't think that's a good idea."

He knew something I didn't. I could tell. "It's for your own good, please."

Before I could respond, Brent was standing in front of me. His summer tan was faded, but his eyes were still as bright as they were the day we met. The butterflies were attacking my stomach now.


"Hey, how've you been?"

I was almost appalled he asked something like that. "If you consider living in hell good, then that's how I've been. What about you?"

"Pretty good. I've met someone."

It was like I lost my hearing. My feet were stuck, my knees began to buckle. He found someone? No, no, no, there was just no way! I could feel some tears burning in my eyes.

"Well, good."

"How's things with Jon?"

"Cut the bullshit, Brent. You fucking wrecked me. Don't pull the nice card on me."

"But, we both agreed it didn't work." He replied.

"NO!" My voice rose, catching the eyes of all the boys. The room dropped into a silent spell. "YOU and you alone agreed it didn't work. Don't think you'll be forgiven for this, cause you NEVER will."

I walked right by him as my chest collapsed yet again. I slammed the dressing room door shut, my throat was hoarse from the cries that came out of me. As usual, Jon's arms around me and his beating heart became my muse .. yet again.

chapter nineteen ;

Summers secrets, they say keep it locked behind my lips. Summer kisses, always fix this and everyone here knows we miss this. I'm sick, I'm sick of feeling down, while my heart is always beating. In front of the car after a round at the bar, and this city's as close as I can get to you. Next time I'm in town I'll make the move, next time I'm in town I'll tell the truth.

"So that's it?"

I looked up from my shaking hands and up to Brent's face. I just told him everything that happened. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, the tears wouldn't stop falling.

"Well .. I saw him again when you guys came back to Vancouver in March."

"And what happened?" He was surprisingly calm.

"We talked it out, he took me out for dinner, but said it could never happen again. That it was a mistake, and it meant nothing to either of us."

"Ally ... I'm sorry."

I began to breathe rapidly as I studied his face. His eyes were glazed with something I couldn't put my finger on. Sadness, anger, regret, it was something negative. My heart was pounding so much that it drowned out the noise of him breathing.


"I can't do this anymore. Your secrets, our constant fighting. This isn't how I wanted to spend this summer."

"It shouldn't matter!" I cried at him. "I made a mistake years ago. I never wanted to bring it up again. It's you that I want." I whispered this time as two more tears fell down my face. "I'm nothing without you."

"Maybe I don't feel the same I way I didn't last week."

I couldn't even speak, to say I was shocked was far from how I felt. "You've got to kidding me. One mistake and you want to throw everything away?"

He wouldn't even look at me. "I just think we need to go back our lives, and keep it that way. I'm sorry."

"Are you saying you don't want me?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

My whole body froze, my breathing was worse than it was a minute ago. He got up from the bed and passed me. I wanted to scream at him to come back but I was so devastated I couldn't even open up my mouth. The door clicked, my heart broke, the tears were pouring out of me again. He was really gone this time.

I sprung up from the couch and went into the hall. Trying to find him. My eyes were eager as I went down the hall. He was no where in sight. I kept calling out his name, but I never got a response. More devastation was flooding me and I went to the one person that I could run to when things got this bad.


He opened up his door, and my face read every emotion. He didn't even say anything, he just shook his head and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. I collapsed into his chest and just cried until my head began to pound. His arms got tighter around me as I slowly got back to normal. He took his hand in mine and led me into his room. I was still whimpering behind him and I tried so hard to control myself. But I couldn't. Everything inside of me was hurting.

I sat on the bed, and he knelt down and looked into my eyes.

"He knows. Everything."

"He found out about Steeger?"

My voice was so hoarse, "Yeah"

"Ally, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Jon. It's all my doing. My mistakes costed me the man of my dreams."

He sighs, "Would the man of your dreams leave you over a mistake you made before you even met him?"

I grew confused, "I don't know, would he?"

"He shouldn't. Brent's a dumbshit. He'll realize what he missed out on when it's too late."

"I don't know, Jon. I can't move on from him."

"You may think that now. But, in time, you will."

I somehow believed him. Time passes in unusual ways. It can go faster than you can keep up with, then times the second clock just pounds so hard into your head that you're screaming for it to pass. Who knows what time had in store for me this time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

chapter eighteen ;

*just a heads up, this whole chapter is a flashback*

What's your indulgence, tell me what's your vice? Do you like it naughty, do you like it nice? I'm your suplier of lust, love and fire tonight, all you desire is yours if the asking is right.

November 2007;

The boys won a huge game against the Canucks, putting them closer up to the playoffs. So the boys had decided to head over to a club right on Robson. I had ripped jeans, a black cami and a hawks shirt on. It wasn't technically dressed to party, but, it didn't matter. I took off the hawks shirt, stuffed it on my purse, took my hair out of it's ponytail. It fell into perfect waves over my shoulder.

"Hey, do you want a drink?"

I felt his breath on my neck, his arm wrapped around me. A pool of desire filled my stomach. Looking up, I realized it was Kris Versteeg.

"Buying your teammates little sister a drink? Isn't that against the rules?"

He smirked so devilishly. "I don't know, is it?"

"It might be. I don't really like to follow the rules regardless.."

"Well, we're the same page then, eh?"

I chuckled, he was a winner. "Your call buddy."

He lowered his head towards me, my breath was stuck. "C'mon sweetheart, one drink won't kill you."

"Sure. How about you surprise me?" I seductively whispered into his ear. He smirked again and walked over to the bar.

He slowly came back with some kind of Martini for me. I thanked him and downed it in a second. Then he brought me another, and another, and another ..

He led me to the dancefloor as I stumbled excessively. He immediately began to grind with me as I wrapped my hands around his neck. He pressed me closer to him, his breath was yet again on my neck, it was driving me crazy. I always felt something for him, I remember the first day I saw him. Yeah. Wow.

I slowly looked up into his eyes. The multicolored lights shined in his eyes, causing him to be more beautiful then he already was. As the song came to an end, I removed my hands from him and kept staring, breathlessly. My emotions were flooding through my veins right now, all I wanted to do was kiss him.

His lips were planted over mine as we got into the cab, his hand was grabbing my chest, and my skin was setting on fire. The juice was getting to my head. Then we made it back to his hotel in a short period of time.

"You got any Canadian money?" he asked.

"Cheap bastard." I muttered throwing a five and two toonies at the driver.

I face-planted onto the sidewalk as I attempted to get out of the car. I started my normal drunk giggling spiel. Kris landed beside me, in his own fit of laughter. They we were. Two drunken idiots, laying on a busy sidewalk in Vancouver, laughing at nothing. We finally gave up, well we got told off, and he piggy backed me into his room.

His lips didn't leave mine the second we got into his room. He pressed me against the wall, digging his fingertips into my sides. He kicked off his shoes, and I did the same with my Uggs. He broke away from my mouth and peeled my shirt off. As we were walking backwards, I got his jeans down to his ankles and he kicked them away.

His hands were like fire running up and down my arms, my stomach. He stole my mouth into another kiss and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He then placed me onto the bed, and unzipped my jeans, I arched my back so he could remove them. All I can remember after that was digging my nails into his neck, then the rest of our clothes were on the floor ...

Next morning;

You might be a little late, I don’t think an hour will hurt
Touch me here, touch me there
Lemme give you your morning dessert
I'm not hungry for food, all I want is you

The pounding in my head wouldn't go away. I woke up in an unfamiliar room, no one was around. Oh god, what happened last night? I pulled the sheet over my head and cursed, of course, I was naked.

Fuck my life.

Just then the bathroom door opened. My heart was beating, I swear to god if Burish comes around the corner ...

But it was Versteeg. I can deal with that.

"Morning gorgeous."


He crawls over the bed and gives me one of the most irresistible kisses I've received. My hands wrapped around his neck and he lowered me onto the bed yet again. I gently moaned and I could feel him smirking against my lips. I peeled my lips from his, and placed small kisses on his neck and chest. His hands wondered all over my body to the point that I couldn't breathe. I needed oxygen badly. His lips moved perfectly with mine, my fingers slid under the band of his boxers and sure enough, we were causing the same shenanigans we did last night ...

*End flashback*

After that, I got up and left, drove back to Kelowna without saying goodbye to my brother. Months went by, and that night, was the last I heard from him. That was ... until the next time he was in Vancouver

Monday, June 14, 2010

chapter seventeen ;

Until all your precious time is wasted. It's been nothing new to me. We still haven't grown accustomed to the sound as they all begin to drown you out, it's all been done before. When your deadlines become my days and nights, I'll take all your favorite lines, as your deadlines take tonight

My head was splitting, I could hardly sit up. My eye lids slit open enough to see my surroundings. I wasn't in my room. i believed Brent was lying beside me. I sighed and rolled over, cuddling into his chest, and kissing him gently.

"Uhm .."

My eyes shot up open, that wasn't Brent's voice. It was Patrick. I jolted away from him as a scream of utter horror came out of both of us. Wiping my mouth and backing away as far as I possibly could get, I stared eagerly at him. What happened last night?

"Oh my fucken .."

"We didn't .. did we?" I asked.

"NO! GOD NO! My pants stayed where they were supposed to."

A sigh of relief came over me. "Good. Do you have any aspirin?"

"I'll go check. You have a lot to explain missy."

Oh god, suddenly most of it was hitting me. Coming back here in a cab, kissing him, twice. Then Mike Green was there? Lord, I hope someone was sober enough to tell me what the hell is going on. Patrick came back into the room and passed me two aspirin and I washed them down with water.

"Wait, before you tell me what happened. Can I go back to my room and shower?"

Patrick laughed, "that might not be a good idea. Shower here, you can borrow my sweats after."

"Uh, okay."

The hot water jolted me a bit and I just stood there for five minutes. Not bothering to wash my hair or anything. I get out, throw my hair into a bun, put on the sweats Patrick left out for me and a hawks shirt. Of course they were massive on me, but I didn't care. As I got out and back into the room, Patrick passed me a coffee and I thanked him before I sat in the bed.

"So, what happened?"

"Well, you admitted you slept with Steeger last year."

"Shit! Are you serious?" I replied as I rubbed my forehead.

"Yeah, Brent was beyond pissed."

I looked down at my hands. Great, I had him and now I lost him yet again. There were no words that could cover up what happened last night. It was like me. Get me drunk and I'll spill all my secrets to you.

"What else?"

"Well, you ran to the bathroom, puked, I brought you back here, and .."

My voice grew scared, "what?"

"You kissed me."

"Oh my god! I'm sorry! It meant nothing! I don't like you like that! It's just, when I'm drunk, I just, get nuts. Please don't tell Brent." I pleaded as tears filled my eyes.

"Relax, I won't." He snickered a little and gave my hand a squeeze.

"So, that's it?"

"Yeah, you passed out after you kissed me." He replied quietly.

"God, Brent is gunna kill me."

"I wouldn't go that far. It's not like you slept with Kris while you were with Brent."

I pondered it for a minute, "I guess. Why are you being nice to me?"

"Cause, I see you as a little sister, that's why I bicker at you so much."

There was that smile of his, it was quite captivating if you asked me. If you weren't leaning against a wall, you may as well say hello to your new friend, the floor. He could sweep anyone off their feet.

I finished up my coffee and thanked him for the talk. I really needed to talk to Brent right now. Despite my massive hangover. I stared at the door for a moment before walking in. Hands shaking, heart racing, skin sweating. To say I was nervous, was an understatement.

I walked into the room, Brent was sitting on the edge of the bed, flicking through the channels. I cleared my throat to get his attention. His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles appeared below, I stood there frozen.

"Can, I talk to you please?"

"Kris, really?!" He snapped.



His angered voice was making my headache worse. "WHAT? DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT EVERY GUY THAT I'VE SLEPT WITH!"

"If he's my fucking teammate then yes! That would be nice to know."

"Like you're any better! I'm sure you've fucked enough girls to start your own country!" I screamed.

It angered him. My words cut right through him. He kept his eyes glued on mine.

"Is that what you do? Use your brother's career as an excuse to get in bed with people?"

Okay, that was out of line, buddy. "NO! Steeger was a mistake! You're the first one I dated. Steeger was the only other one I've slept with. Which was a mistake!"

"I really don't trust you right now."

Tears were forming in my eyes, "Brent, I love you. If I could take back what happened with Kris. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Please believe me"

" .. I have a practice to go to."

chapter sixteen;

It's the right night to make the wrong moves, gotta bad case and nothing to lose when the lights out we have an excuse, is this romance or is it the juice? I might be crazy but I think tonight has only begun. You're not my normal type but we can make an exception. Hey DJ spin the soundtrack to bad decisions, and these drinks, make me, lose my self control. A little less thinking and a lot more drinking, that'll work for me tonight. When the room starts spinnin' and we start sinning, I begin to realize, you look better when I'm drunk

I've been with Brent for two full days now, and it's been good. We haven't really left the room that much if you catch my drift. But, neither of us seemed to mind.

I sat on the bed as Brent came through the door. He was at a practice for the team. He kissed me quickly before going back towards the bathroom.

"Hey! We're going to a bar tonight. Go get ready!" Brent yelled before he slammed the door, and the shower was heard seconds later.

I threw my magazine on the bed, and headed over to my bag. I settled on a black strapless dress that was really short, and some red heels to go with it. I threw the clothes on as Brent came out the bathroom.

"Good lord."

I turned around and smirked. "you like?"

"Like? I love it."

I laughed as he threw on some jeans and a black blouse. His colonge hit me, causing my skin to break out into a sweat. I was in for a good night.

We got to the bar and a few guys from the camp were there too. Of course Dunc, Patrick and Jon were already there, drinks in hand. But I saw all the Staal boys, Mike Green, Shea Weber, Marc Andre Fleury and others there too. This was gunna be good.

Shots, shots, shots. That's all we took that night. Mixed drinks, more lights glowing, and more skin showing. It was insane, and I was totally gone with it. Drunk was an understatement.

My mind was going crazy. Like some wind up toy just went off. I was trying to get Brent's attention but he was ignoring my drunk ass.


Brent somewhat rolls his eyes before replies, "what?"

"I totally, totally, totally slept with Steeger last year. It was fucking glorious. He's really, really good between the sheets. Wow, glad I got that off my chest." I slurred pretending to wipe sweat from my forehead.

At this point I'm giggling like an idiot, and everyone stares at me. Some obnoxious snort comes from my mouth as Brent looks about 5000 different kinds of angry at me. I felt clammy and stood up from the table.

"I'm ... Uh ... It appears I'm going to puke."

I run towards the bathroom and lurch whatever was in my stomach into the toilet. I felt someone grab my hair as I wiped my mouth and searched my clutch for gum.

"We need to get her back to the hotel. Now."

"PATRICK! YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE!" I yelled gripping onto his collar. Thank god I popped a piece of gum into my mouth, "This is for ladies!" I added as I saw my brother and Mike Green standing behind him.

"Fuck me, let's get her out of here" Pat sighed swooping me up into his arms and past Mike and Dunc.

"Mike, you have a nice ass"

"Ally!" Patrick gasped.

"What? Just pointing out the obvious, and the mohawk is very sexual. ME-OW!"

"Oh sweet merciful god." Duncan groaned.

"I'd soooooooooo tap him."

"Christ does anyone have duct tape? Enough out of you!" Patrick snaps giving my ass a smack.

"OOH! Patrick likes it rough! I approve."

Then the warm air hits my body like a surge of energy. Patrick puts me into the cab but I grab onto him.

"No! Don't leave me!"

He sighs and gets in the cab with me. I snuggle up to his chest as he looks out the window.

"You're comfy. Kinda like a gummy bear or something. I shall call you squishy, and you shall be mine, and you shall be my squishy!"

"Oh god help me." Patrick pleads smacking his head on the window.

"Sir, please don't do that." the cab driver says.

"Yeah Patrick! GOD!"

"Ally just, please be quiet."

"Wow you bitch more than Duncan does." I muttered.

"Well look what he has to deal with!"

"You like it, don't lie"

"Yes, your bitching is so turning me on! I can't keep my hands off you." Patrick sarcastically replied.

"Knew it"

The cab ride felt like forever but we made it back to the hotel. Patrick got out first then pulled me against his side. Of course I was laughing again.

"Yeah that's right bitches! I'm gunna fuck him tonight!" I yelled at three girls who were drooling at his very presense.

"NOT TRUE!" Pat yelled. "She is taken! And I am just the babysitter, wait what's a lower version of a babysitter?"

The lobby began to spin and I shielded my eyes to stop the movement. "Patrick shut the fuck up, you cock head and get me into my room!"

"Cock head? Good one!"

"Fine, tit licker."

Patrick chuckled, "I can own up to that one."


Patrick took me into his hotel room cause he didn't have a key for mine. I plunked down on the bed as he removed my heels for me. I didn't care. I went to grab him but he moved away.

"Thats not a good idea." he said.

"And why not!" I gasped.

"Cause you have Brent, and I don't do that to my teammates."

"Fuck them, they won't find out."

"I'm sorry. Ally, I won't. I don't take advantage of drunk girls."

"You don't find me pretty is that? Or am I too fat for your liking?" I cried this time.

"NO! That's not what I meant! I think you're beautiful and your body is perfect."

"But not up to your liking?" I pouted as I sniffed back my tears.

"Nu-uh. You're very up to my liking." he sighs, "actually more than I'd ever want, but ..."

"OOH! Patrick Sharp likes me!"

"Very cute, Ally. Really."

"You want to love me, you want to kiss me, you think I'm gorgeous." I swooned as I got up and danced towards him.

"Okay. Shuttup." he says as his face grows 5 shades of red.

I sit down at the desk in his room and slam my fist down like I'm some judge. "Alright here's the deal Sharp! Kiss me and I'll leave alone."


"You heard me."

I got up and walked over to him. My body was pressed right up against him. Cupping his face, I pulled him into one of the messiest kisses I've ever given. He didn't seem to mind, he deepened it.

I pulled away from him. Totally happy with myself. His bed was going to be my best friend now. I plunked down on it and after that I blacked out.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

chapter fifteen ;

Two to one, static to the sound of you and I. Undone for the last time, and there this was, hiding at the bottom of your swimming pool some September. I wish I could stay, your lips give you away. Cause I'm feeling like, I might need to be near you, and I feel alright. Say you'll miss me one last time, I'll be strong, but whatever you do, please don't get me rescued..

I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin since I was so antsy. Before I left Toronto I changed into ripped jeans and a white cami. My hair was thrown into a long braid hanging over my shoulder. My feet began to pound step by step as I walked towards the arrival gate. It didn't take long for my weekend bag to come around on the belt. I grabbed it and headed out towards the gate.

My heart rate was going at an uncontrollable speed. It's been too long since I've seen him. It's not been right without him around. I searched around the crowd of unfamiliar faces, and I couldn't see him. But then I heard his voice.


I slowly turned around, and it was like the red sea had parted or some stupid movie shit. I had a clear lane to run to him.

And run to him, I did.

I dropped my bags when I was only 5 feet from him. He outstretched his arms towards me, and with all the strength I had, I sprung right into his arms. He almost lost his balance and took a few step backwards. My heart was lurching into my throat. I forgot to breathe, my mind forgot to tell my heart to pump blood back into my body. It felt right. The way my body wrapped around his. My legs locked around his waist and he pulled me tighter and tighter against him.

I pulled away from his neck, and his eyes met mine. God, I never felt more alive than I did in that moment. Slowly, I slid off his body, my feet met the floor, my hands wrapped around his neck, this moment didn't want to end. I snuggled my nose against his before I crashed my mouth into his. Nosy ass people started to clap around us, and I wanted them to stop. I wanted a moment alone with him, get on with your lives would you?

I was so overcome with emotion that I started to hysterically cry as he let me go. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears that began to form. I collided into his chest again, my arms fit snugly around his stomach.

"I'm so sorry .."

"Don't be."

I smiled before he pulled my lips into another kiss. The sparks were flying above my head. I didn't take my arms away from his stomach. It just felt right.

"I just can't believe that you came here so quick."

I cupped the side of his face. "I know, me neither."

"I missed you."

He pulled me into a hug again and my nose caught his cologne. The one I smelt the night we met. It brought back some incredible memories for me, then some I wish never happened. I shook my head to get rid of the negativity out of my mind. It seriously felt like forever since I've touched him.

"I missed you too .."

Patrick cleared his throat and looked at the both of us. He looked grossed out. "Kay, we get it, you missed each other. You love each other. You're both sorry. Everyone is happy and I shit fucking rainbows, can we get the fuck out of here?"

I rolled my eyes, "Nice to see you too, Patrick."

"Oh, hi, Ally. How are you?"

"Perfect." I beamed.

"Good now c'mon. It smells like Burish's gym bag in here."

"Hmm, I thought that was you." I chuckled.

Everyone laughed, that's when I noticed Jon, Duncs and even Sidney Crosby was standing behind Brent. Oh my god, Sidney fucking Crosby was a foot from me. Kay, Ally, breathe. He's a person too.

"Oh har-har." Patrick huffed walking by me.

"Bite me sharp"

"Fuck your mother." He scolded back.

I shook my head as all of them left, but Brent and I were still standing in front of each other. I just couldn't peel my eyes away from his. For some reason, in this moment, I could not get enough of his kisses. I took his bottom lip with my teeth before his mouth covered my upper lip. God, we needed to get out here.

My hand rode up his neck and gripped onto his hair as I whispered in his ear, "you better not have a roomate."

The low vibration of his voice was felt against my cheek. "And why's that?"

"I think you know."

"Well, I was rooming with Dunc, but, I think we can make some arrangements for our own room."

I smirked, "well you better."

He grew serious, and his eyes wandered around before he whispered, "are you sure about this?"


There was a jump in his movement as he grabbed my bags, the smile wouldn't leave my face. We left the airport, my hand wrapped around his forearm. What did I tell you, he was intoxicating, frustrating, and mine again. This time, I wasn't letting go.

chapter fourteen ;

What would you say if I asked you not to go? To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me? Would you take my hand and never let me go? Promise me you'll never let me go. I feel like I lost everything when you're gone, left remembering what it's like to have you here with me. I thought you should know, you're not making this easy. I never thought I'd be the one to say, please don't, please don't leave me ....

Three full weeks had flown by since Steph and I were in Toronto. It's been really fun, and exactly what I needed. We did lots of shopping, clubbing, and just being around the city. Getting away from both of our drama filled lives. It felt like the drama in Kelowna stayed there. It didn't follow us at all. Though I missed Jon, a lot ..

We texted each other, talked on the phone, had skype sessions to talk about everything, and I got to see his face, even if it was over the computer. He went back to Winnipeg to see his family, but said he'll be back in Kelowna after the Team Canada camp. Which was a good thing, I suppose.

"What do you want to do today?"

I looked up from my laptop at Steph. I shrugged. It seems like we've done everything that was possible. We were here for another week. The boys were in Calgary already from what Jon told me. I wonder how things were with him and Brent. They haven't talked since I left.

I rubbed my face and sighed, "I really duuno dude. I still feel drunk from two nights ago."

"Same here. We should just chill here tonight. Rent some movies?" She suggested.

"Sounds like a good idea."

We made a list of movies we wanted to rent and a grocery list on top of it. Steph went for a run first though, cause Jon wanted to have a skype session with me. I sighed and logged on. I quickly checked my facebook back as I got an invitation from Jon. I accepted it and my heart jumped into my throat when I opened up the window.


I went to grab the lid of my laptop and close it, but I heard his voice. It brought to tears to my eyes.

"Ally, don't ... please talk to me."

A tear slid down my face as I drew in a shaky breath. I couldn't do it. I shut my laptop and walked away from the table. My heart thundering inside of my chest, the tears were pouring out of me. Seeing his face made it worse, when my heart was set on Jon. Maybe I just believed I was set on Jon. I slid down the wall, my face was buried into my hands that were suddenly tear soaked. Then in the distance my phone rang, funny, the ringtone was perfect ..

This night's a perfect shade of dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?
I said the world could be burning down, dark blue.
If you've ever been alone in the dark blue?
If you've ever been alone you'll know

I got up off the floor and went to retrieve my phone. The caller ID read his number. I hesitated for a moment, and with a shaky hand, I brought it up to my ear.

"Hi .."

"Are you gunna hang up on me?"

"I thought about it."

I heard him snicker "You haven't changed."

"What do you want?"

"Can you please talk to me?"

"What's there to say?" I sighed deeper.

"Ally, I love you. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I made a mistake I never should've made. Please, take me back. I've been kicking myself since you've been gone. I don't know what to do anymore .. "

I covered my mouth with my hand as I quietly sobbed. Hoping he wouldn't hear me. My hair began to stick to me as my tears rolled down my neck, getting absorbed into my hair. How could I be so stupid? The more I wanted to hate him, the more it made me love him with everything I had. After everything, I had to admit it, I fucking need him to the point it hurt.

"I'm coming out to see you."


"I'm getting on the next flight to Calgary. I need to see you."

"But .. what about Steph?"

"She'll understand. I fucking need you. I can't even breathe properly without you around." I was slurring my speech to keep my sobs from pouring out again. I was a complete train wreck but I didn't fucking care.

"I feel the same way. Ally, I am so sorry."

"Don't be. I'm sorry for being so stupid."

"Okay, just, phone me when you find out your flight."

A huge breath of relief came out of me, and a smile was tugging on my lips. "I will. I love you."

I could literally hear the smile in his voice. "I love you too."

I hung up my phone, opened up my computer, printed out tickets to the next flight, which left in an hour. I scrambled to get my clothes into my suitcase, just enough for a few days, and not even making it look neat in the least bit. Everything was packed, the cab was set to pick me up in 5 minutes. I texted Brent quickly to give him my flight details, and he said he'd be there. I ripped out a piece of paper from my sketch book and wrote Steph a letter.

"Steph, I made up my mind. It's Brent. It always has been him. I'm sorry for this quick decision, but I'm leaving for Calgary. I'll be back in a couple days, so we can fly home together. Thank you for supporting me in this decision, this has been one of the best months of my life and I owe it all to you. I love you and I'll phone you tonight. I promise. Don't get into too much trouble without me now. -- lovelovelove, Ally"

Saturday, June 12, 2010

chapter thirteen ;

thanks for the 5 comments guys, it means a lot. This chapter is longer than I wanted it to be, I but I had a lot to fit in. Enjoy and please comment :)

You're the direction I follow to get home, when I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go, and it's like I can't feel a thing without you around. Don't mind me if I get weak in the knees cause you have that affect on me .. you do. Everything you say, every time we kiss I can't think straight, but I'm ok. I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss, as much as I hate missing you, So please give me your hands, so please just take my hand.

The next morning when I woke up, I could hear the rain falling down outside. I sighed, the one day I didn't have to work this week, it pours. I went to crawl out of bed, but I felt a hand wrapped around me, looking down, I sighed, Jon was still here.

I showered to get the smell of the lake out of my hair from last night. I blow dried my hair and threw it into a messy bun, I was in no mood to make it look pretty today. I left the bathroom just wrapped up in a towel and headed back into my room, hoping to not wake Jon up. Settling on some black yoga pants and a hawks t-shirt, I put the clothes on and headed downstairs.

"I don't want you seeing her!"

Dunc's angered voice filled the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks on the stairs and waited for him to continue. There was only one person he could be talking to anyways with a tone like that.

"And why not?" My heart skipped when I heard Brent's voice.

"Did you see the mess she was in yesterday? What's gunna happen when we leave? Trust me, she's my sister. When she mopes, it's down right frustrating. I don't want that to happen."

I heard Brent let out a long sigh, then I pictured him running his hands through his hair like he always did when he was fustrated. "I'd never do anything to hurt her, I care for her."

"Then why did you go behind her back with Elle?"

"Cause Elle didn't want anyone to know. I was just helping her. I didn't fuck around with her. I wasn't expecting it to blow up like this."

This time, Duncan sighed. "I don't know. I think Jon's better for her."

"Stop controlling who she can and can't date. She's told me how you try to be a second father to her. She's old enough to decide who she wants." Brent bitterly replied. "She needs to learn to make her own mistakes, learn her own lessons. But I won't be a mistake. I promise."

"But what's gunna happen when you're gone for 10 months at a time?"

"I don't want to think that far into the future okay? I want this month to go by as slow as possible. I need to spend every second with her."

"That's if she forgives you." Duncan huffed. I wanted to walk into the room at the moment and smack him. I was going to forgive Brent in time. Just not today.

"Well, if she doesn't, she'll have Jon. Just like you want her to have."

"I just want what's best for her. Jon's her age, I just think she'd be better off with him."

"Well, what if she doesn't want him?" Brent snapped.

"She was getting pretty comfy with him last night."

I couldn't hear what Brent said but, I then felt a rumble and I shot right into the kitchen. They were fighting. Brent had my brother pinned against the wall as he tried to breathe.

"Guy's stop it!" I screamed pulling Brent off my brother by his arm. They still wouldn't stop glaring at each other. "Enough already. This is damaging your friendship too."

"Well, who is it, Ally? Who do you want?" Brent asked me, his eyes were piercing me.

"I'm not deciding right now." I stammered.

I walked right by the both of them and went outside. It was still pouring but our porch was dry as could be. I plunked down onto a chair and began to cry. I couldn't hold it any longer. Everything about this was hurting me. I should've just ignored Brent when he came around, and I should've never kissed Jon.

The door opened and I heard footsteps come towards me. I kept my eyes on my hands. I realized it was my brother as he sat down across from me at the porch table.

"Ally .."

I cut him off. "Maybe I am better off with Jon."

"Maybe not. I just want you to be happy."

"I was happy until Brent broke my heart." I replied before a few more cold tears hit my face. Then I saw Brent walk onto the porch. His eyes met me and he looked completely miserable. He heard what I said. Perfect. I just sighed and looked away from him as he got into his car.

"One month, that's all you have until he's gone. You better decide fast before one of them moves on."

Later on that night I was sitting in front of the TV, like I was doing all day. The rain made everything so uneventful. I was set on an old episode of Friends I've seen a million times. My knees were pressed against my chest and I bit my thumb nail, deep in thought. Jon. Brent. Jon. Jon .. no .. Brent. Jon. Jon. Fuck, I don't know anymore. Maybe if I dated Steeger he'd keep his mouth shut. HA. Cool joke.

I texted both Brent and Jon to come over tonight so we could settle this. They both agreed and Jon also added that Patrick Sharp was coming over. Ah, this ought to be good.

"So, you've done seabs and tazer? Impressive." Patrick said nudging me.

"I never slept with either of em." Pat shot me a look like he wasn't convinced. "This shit is serious Patrick. I don't know what to do."

"Well, you'll figure it out. I'll be here when they go off to the Team Canada camp, oh wait, I'll be there too!" He sarcastically replied.

"Arrogant much?" I laughed walking away from him.

I headed into the kitchen and both Jon and Brent were sitting down. Gina came over for support and sat beside me as I thought of what to say. My heart was racing a mile a minute and my hands were shaking. I sat on them to stop the pulse going through me.

"Look, I like both of you, but .. I clearly need to decide." I stuttered this wasn't going the way I planned. "I just think that I need a lot more time to think. Which is why I'm going back to Toronto with Steph for the rest of the month."

"WHAT!" Gina, Brent, Jon, Patrick and Duncan said at the same time.

"You heard me right. I can breathe out there, spend some time with Steph, I haven't seen her much this summer with work. I leave tomorrow morning."

"Ally, I don't get this, why didn't you say anything?" Duncan asked.

"Cause, it just happened today." I shrugged. "I'll be back when you guys get back from the Camp. I'll have a decision by then okay?"

"If this is what you want, then I'm fine with it." Jon said. I looked over at him and smiled, he was understanding this. That's a good sign.

"Oh cut the kissing up to her bullshit." Brent snapped.

"What are ya gunna do about it? Sit on me, fatty?"

"Oh fuck off you goof-tit."

"STOP IT!" I yelled. "But, you both understand, right?" They nodded. "Good, well, I'm going to bed, I have an early flight tomorrow."

I woke up the next morning, packed, had breakfast about 4 hours before my flight. I was antsy. I wanted to go so bad. I wore a black high waisted skirt and a red tank top with it. My hair was straight as could be, and my lips were painted with bright red lipstick.

I paced my living room to let the hours go by faster. The knock on the door caught me off guard, and I ran over to answer it. It was Jon. He noticed the aggravated look on my face. He used his hand to intimate like he's waving a white flag. I smirked and let him in.


"Hey, I just wanted to say goodbye before you left."

"Well, you said it, so .. just go." I muttered.

"Ally, don't do this .."

"Jon, I have to. I need to be away from both of you."

"To see who you miss more."

He caught me off guard. "What?"

"I get it. Stay away from both of us. See who you miss more. It's the only way you'll figure it out."

He got closer, gripped my chin and pressed my mouth to his softly. "Goodbye, Ally."

I looked into his eyes for the last time. I was going to miss him. "Good bye, Jon."

I scrambled to find my phone as soon as Jon left. I needed to text Brent now. I had an empty text window open for 5 minutes before I texted the only think I could think of.

"We found our lives have been changed, babe, you lost me."

chapter twelve ;

So, uhm. I'm laying down some rules from now on. I'm not updating unless I get 4 comments for each chapter. I mean, I take the time out of my life to sit down and write this. It's not that I don't enjoy writing it cause I really do. But, I'd like feed back considering I have 11 followers. That's all.

You were talking to her, but messing with me. But it's finally clear. Are you disturbed? Oh now you care? Why do you race through my red light? Tell me how can you sleep, and how can you breathe? Baby tell me, how can you love me now? Save it for her, I'm not gunna hear your reasons, and 'please just take me back' ; don't waste your breath, you crashed and burned and you're on your own now.

We didn't exactly do what you thought we did. We ended up lying on my bed talking to each other all night. He's really not the person he makes himself out to be on TV. He's not as 'serious' as they say he is. He's actually pretty funny, yet he has deep thoughts, but who doesn't?

"You miss him don't you?"

I was fiddling with one of my bracelets before I looked over at Jon. He looked almost, concerned about how I felt. We were on the subject of the olympic camp he was also invited to, of course you know who was brought up. It caused my positivity to die.

"A little, but .. he hurt me .."

"Did you let him explain himself?"

I sighed, "No, but, it was written all over his face."

Jon propped his elbow up and rested his face on it. He had this "Matter-of-fact" look on his face, it caused me to smile a little.

"What now?"

He sighed before he grabbed my hand. "I'm just saying as much as I like you, I can see that you want him. Not me. I'd rather see you happy than totally miserable."

I applied pressure onto his hand. "What makes you think I don't want you?"

"Well, your face totally dropped when I mentioned Brent."

I drew in a sharp breath, and dropped my hand from his. He just had to say his name. "Can you not say his name please?"

"See what I mean .."

I just shook my head as the tears began to form. "You don't get it, he broke my heart!"

Before he could answer there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Duncan. Jon sat up indian style on my bed, and I flicked on my TV. We looked innocent enough for my brother. He's easy to convince.

"Come in."

The door opened ever so slowly, and a tall shadow came through the frame. That wasn't my brother. It was .. him. It was 3 in the morning, what is he doing here?

His strong stature was suddenly a couple feet from me. I couldn't move. He looked at me, than at Jon. His jaw clenched. Shit. This wasn't gunna go well.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I wanted to talk to you, but I see you've moved on." He snarled darting another look over at Jon.

"It's not like that .. I needed someone to talk to. He was there for me."

"Oh, I get it. It's okay for you to say that and expect everything to be okay. But when I say it, I'm in the biggest liar in the world." He huffed, he was being ridiculous right now.

"That's not what I meant. Now what the hell did you come here for?"

"I came here to tell you that Kris blew it outta proportion. He just believed I was sleeping with her when I talked to him. You know what he's like. But I'm not. I tried my best to help her, but I threw her at her mom. She's in Rehab in Calgary now. I still cared for her as a person, but I don't love her like I love you. Hell, I don't love her. I love you, and only you."

I didn't know what to do. I felt like an idiot at first. I blew up at him before I let him explain. The only thing I wanted to do was jump right into his arms right now. But, I was emotionally drained.

"Let me sleep on it. Please. This is too much for me."

"Yeah, I can see why." He snapped. "Jon's had a thing for you all year and couldn't shut up about it after you left."

"Brent, don't start." Jon groaned. "I'm not gunna ruin what you guys could have."

"It seems a little weird here. What? Did you expect she'd come crying into your arms and choose you?"

"Shut up! I like Jon as a friend. He was there for me." I butted in. I couldn't believe he was talking about his own teammate, and friend like that.

"Whatever, this isn't over, Tazer."

Jon snickered beside me. "You don't scare me Seabrook."

I looked up at Brent as tears filled my eyes. His jungle like eyes found me. I just mouthed "I'm sorry" before he nodded and left my room. He mouthed "I'm sorry." back. I placed my head into my hands and began to sob yet again. Jon leaned over and I pressed my tear streaked face into his chest. His touch was calming me, but I needed Brent more than anything. Now I was more confused than ever.