chapter thirty-one ;

A hundred days had made me older, since the last time that I've saw your pretty face. A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same. I’m here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.

"Wait, Ally. Don't go yet."

His eyes seem inviting, but I've seen that look before. A part of me was telling me to sit down and hear what he had to say. But was it something I wanted to hear? Or have I heard it all before?

"I don't think I should. Jon might start questioning things, and Gabby --"

He sighs and sympathetically looks down at the table, "No, you're right. Stupid of me to ask that anyway."

"It's not like that. It's just ... I actually don't know."

He reaches over and gently grabs my hand. I could feel the shivers as I watched him stroke the top of my hand with his thumb. The room was so silent, you could've heard a pin drop. He kept his eyes fixated on my hand for some reason. I was just watching him, his every move, his every breath. It was intoxicating.

"Ally, please believe me. He's not right for you."

I forcefully take my hand away from his grip, not this again, "What makes you think that?"

"I see how you are around him. It's like you're forcing yourself to be perfect for him. You don't have to change for me."

"You don't get it. I love him."

"You're still in love with me though." He nonchalantly replies, "You just won't admit it."

"I'm not." I quickly say back while shaking my head, "I'm in love with Jon. I want to spend ... a very long time with him."

"But not forever?"

"Forever is an unrealistic commitment. Even for you."

He stands up from the table and gets closer to me. Our bodies are pressed against each other right now. My heart is beyond pounding in my chest right now. I can't think right, my mind is clouded up. He reaches out and runs his fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my neck, letting it fall down my back.

"I'm still in love with you, I don't care if you can't see it. I'm gunna fight for you. If it kills me ... then so be it."

"Don't do this. You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"I don't care." He simply replies, making my head shake again.

A deep, shaky sigh came out of me. I cup the side of his face as he eagerly stared into my eyes, "You're just gunna waste your time." I whisper, his nose is nuzzled against mine at this point, "You'll just end up like me when you left in August. Nothing but a miserable waste of life. Just begging for your time to end. It'll make you want to disappear."

"You know, I can't stop kicking myself for that. I can't imagine what I put you through. It kills me, honestly."

"It was more than most people go through in their lifetime. Trust me." I coldly reply.

I was so lost in his voice that I forgot how close I was to him. Our noses pressed together, our lips, less than an inch apart. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss him. I needed to know if I still felt the same about him. His face was expressionless, observing my face. He was making me curious. I took one small move and closed the gap between us. His lips were over mine. My hands wrapped around his neck and he dug his fingertips into my sides. His lips found mine with an eagerness that was not far from violence. Complete, and utter bliss.

His lips moved with mine, in strange ways that I knew wasn't actually like him, with me at least. It was different. I've only seen him kiss Helen once, But it wasn't like this. Nothing was like this. His movements with his lips with me were different. They were bold. They were entirely different from the way I saw him kiss her. All of my emotions were being placed into the aggression of my lips. I was screaming at him through the kiss to tell him it was still him. In some strange, unbeautiful way, it was still him.

He finally pulled away from me, desperate for air. I kept my hands gripped around his neck. I was amazed at how much closer I kept pulling him towards me. I think he was amazed at it too. I pressed my forehead against his chest, and he kissed the top of my head as I listened to his uneven rapid heartbeat. I closed my eyes and saw a future. Us standing on a typical front porch, watching my brother chase around our two boys. With dark hair and electric eyes like Brent's. How can I dream of something if I haven't even chose him?

"Ally, please, I just want you to see it the way that I do."

"Brent, I love you. But, I'm not in love with you."

He backs up from me, and I can feel my skin growing cold already. It hurt to lie to him like that. Inside I was shrieking, kicking and cursing at myself for that. "He has his nails digging into you deeper than I thought."

"You know nothing about me and Jon. Please stop this."

"He's not the person you think he is, Ally."

My body starts viciously shaking, the tears are forming. "If it makes you feel any better, won't come back to Chicago ever again. I'll go work for another team. I'll stay clear from you."

"No, please stay. Not seeing you would be worse than seeing you. Even if, when you look at me, it kills me."

"I can't. Knowing that I'm hurting you, hurting Jon when he doesn't even know it, and causing myself so much confusion. I can't do it anymore."

He steps over and clasps my waist again, "It wouldn't be like that if you were with me again. If I had my way, I'd marry you tomorrow."

I couldn't even comprehend what he was saying. My body was frozen. I felt petrified. I started rambling random words, nothing was making any sense. He shut me up by kissing me again. There was more violence in this kiss. He grabbed a fistful of my hair as I tugged on the collar of his V-neck T-shirt. There was more aggression in the kiss. Like he was telling me everything through the kiss like I was before. My heart is thundering in my chest as his body heat was radiating onto me. He pulled away yet again and some pathetic weak whimper fell past my lips. He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and presses his lips to my ear.

"I bet he can't do that."

"I think someone's been practicing."

"No. I don't kiss her like that. I only leave that for you ..."

"I need to go. Gabby's waiting for me."

He clutches me to him, his eyes are worried, "No. Don't ..."

"I really have to go, Brent. Please."

"Fine, just one more thing before you go," He leans down and plants a small, tender kiss on my lips. Leaving me desperate for more from him. "Please make the right decision."

I created a long silent pause. I gulp back my lost breath and tried to manage something smart to say. Still nothing. I tried to force out a response, but I was numb. I was trying so hard to not feel anything for him again, he seemed to know my answer. I was so unsure of everything right now.

"I'll follow you until my heart gives out. Don't ever forget it."