So tell me when you hear my heart stop, you're the only one that knows. Tell me when you hear my silence, there's a possibility I would't know. Know that when you leave, by blood and by me, you walk like a thief. By blood and by me, and I fall when you leave. So tell me when my sigh is over, you're the reason why I'm closed. Tell me when you hear me falling, there's a possibility it wouldn't show. By blood and by me, and I'll fall when you leave.
All those three months just blended into one. All the summer air went away, all the leaves crunched under my feet then left, now the chill was laying over the city. The winter wind was the only sound I heard these days.
I somehow kept my mind focused on school, it was the only thing that made ... him vanish. I was done at the end of January.
Nothing was the same anymore. I kept to myself most of the time, found myself screaming in my sleep over him, I hardly spoke or did anything anymore. The only person I talked to was Jon. The billionth tear fell down my face as I pulled out my phone after another nightmare. It was 3am, but I didn't know what to do.
"Jon, when you left, and when ... he left, you took me with you. I'm not myself anymore. Who else can I talk to?"
I stared at the ceiling, replaying that August night in my head over and over again, trying to figure out what went wrong. Why did he make that choice? What drove him to believe he could live without me? I'll never know ..
"Ally, please come down here, I'm worried about you." Jon texted me back. "I can't count how many sleepless nights I've had, wondering if you were alright."
"I can't count how many times I've stared at the ceiling, thinking of you. Please save me from this hell."
Days later, Jon was wrapped up in my arms. My lungs were filled with his scent, I felt alive for the first time in months. My whole body was trembling against him. The boys were in town for a game against the Canucks of course. A day I was counting down since the moment they all left.
I went to the game that night, it was probably the first time I've been around people in ages. I wasn't sure how I was going to prepare seeing Brent. I don't know if I was ready for it. It's just a cold slap in the face of what I can't have.
But then I saw him. My whole body froze, but I didn't even look at him after that one glance. I drew in a shaky breath and kept my eyes on my hands. Stay strong, Ally. Just keep it together.
The boys went into the 3rd period with a 5-2 lead over the Canucks. Jonny had 2 goals and an assist, Sharp, Kaner, and Campbell also tallied a goal each. To be honest, this was the first game of the season I've watched. I would always check the site to see the score, I had a hard time watching them play.
After the game I headed into the dressing room. I went right over to my brother and hugged him. He noticed the emptiness in my eyes and squeezed my shoulder.
"Ally, have you talked to him?"
"No. I don't think that's a good idea."
He knew something I didn't. I could tell. "It's for your own good, please."
Before I could respond, Brent was standing in front of me. His summer tan was faded, but his eyes were still as bright as they were the day we met. The butterflies were attacking my stomach now.
"Hey, how've you been?"
I was almost appalled he asked something like that. "If you consider living in hell good, then that's how I've been. What about you?"
"Pretty good. I've met someone."
It was like I lost my hearing. My feet were stuck, my knees began to buckle. He found someone? No, no, no, there was just no way! I could feel some tears burning in my eyes.
"How's things with Jon?"
"Cut the bullshit, Brent. You fucking wrecked me. Don't pull the nice card on me."
"But, we both agreed it didn't work." He replied.
"NO!" My voice rose, catching the eyes of all the boys. The room dropped into a silent spell. "YOU and you alone agreed it didn't work. Don't think you'll be forgiven for this, cause you NEVER will."
I walked right by him as my chest collapsed yet again. I slammed the dressing room door shut, my throat was hoarse from the cries that came out of me. As usual, Jon's arms around me and his beating heart became my muse .. yet again.