Summers secrets, they say keep it locked behind my lips. Summer kisses, always fix this and everyone here knows we miss this. I'm sick, I'm sick of feeling down, while my heart is always beating. In front of the car after a round at the bar, and this city's as close as I can get to you. Next time I'm in town I'll make the move, next time I'm in town I'll tell the truth.
"So that's it?"
I looked up from my shaking hands and up to Brent's face. I just told him everything that happened. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, the tears wouldn't stop falling.
"Well .. I saw him again when you guys came back to Vancouver in March."
"And what happened?" He was surprisingly calm.
"We talked it out, he took me out for dinner, but said it could never happen again. That it was a mistake, and it meant nothing to either of us."
"Ally ... I'm sorry."
I began to breathe rapidly as I studied his face. His eyes were glazed with something I couldn't put my finger on. Sadness, anger, regret, it was something negative. My heart was pounding so much that it drowned out the noise of him breathing.
"I can't do this anymore. Your secrets, our constant fighting. This isn't how I wanted to spend this summer."
"It shouldn't matter!" I cried at him. "I made a mistake years ago. I never wanted to bring it up again. It's you that I want." I whispered this time as two more tears fell down my face. "I'm nothing without you."
"Maybe I don't feel the same I way I didn't last week."
I couldn't even speak, to say I was shocked was far from how I felt. "You've got to kidding me. One mistake and you want to throw everything away?"
He wouldn't even look at me. "I just think we need to go back our lives, and keep it that way. I'm sorry."
"Are you saying you don't want me?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
My whole body froze, my breathing was worse than it was a minute ago. He got up from the bed and passed me. I wanted to scream at him to come back but I was so devastated I couldn't even open up my mouth. The door clicked, my heart broke, the tears were pouring out of me again. He was really gone this time.
I sprung up from the couch and went into the hall. Trying to find him. My eyes were eager as I went down the hall. He was no where in sight. I kept calling out his name, but I never got a response. More devastation was flooding me and I went to the one person that I could run to when things got this bad.
He opened up his door, and my face read every emotion. He didn't even say anything, he just shook his head and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. I collapsed into his chest and just cried until my head began to pound. His arms got tighter around me as I slowly got back to normal. He took his hand in mine and led me into his room. I was still whimpering behind him and I tried so hard to control myself. But I couldn't. Everything inside of me was hurting.
I sat on the bed, and he knelt down and looked into my eyes.
"He knows. Everything."
"He found out about Steeger?"
My voice was so hoarse, "Yeah"
"Ally, I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Jon. It's all my doing. My mistakes costed me the man of my dreams."
He sighs, "Would the man of your dreams leave you over a mistake you made before you even met him?"
I grew confused, "I don't know, would he?"
"He shouldn't. Brent's a dumbshit. He'll realize what he missed out on when it's too late."
"I don't know, Jon. I can't move on from him."
"You may think that now. But, in time, you will."
I somehow believed him. Time passes in unusual ways. It can go faster than you can keep up with, then times the second clock just pounds so hard into your head that you're screaming for it to pass. Who knows what time had in store for me this time.