chapter twenty-three ;

What a waste of time, the thought crossed my mind, that I never missed a beat. Can't explain the who or what I was trying to believe. What would you do? Do you know, I once had a grip on everything. It feels better to let go. I'm not over you just yet. Can not hide it, you're not that easy to forget

After breakfast we headed to the airport. All the guys went onto the bus, but Jon and Patrick decided to hitch a ride with me. Yes. Me, and Patrick in the car. At the same time.

"I don't want to listen to Kesha!" I groaned trying to change the station but forgot my Pathfinder had controls for the back seat passengers too.

"It's Ke$ha to you, bitch!" Patrick yelled.

I groaned as her song "Dancing with tears in my eyes" was being played. Sadly, the lyrics were speaking to me.

"Without you, I don't even have a pulse.
With every move, I die."

"ALLY!"

Jon's voice caught me off guard as I gripped the steering wheel, swerving the car back into the lane. My heart was pounding inside of me. I sniffed back tears as I sat properly in my seat. Of course, Patrick was laughing in the back seat.

"Haha, Ally can't drive."

"Patrick, your ass is going to be walking to the airport if you don't shut it!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH! Look! There's a Tim Hortons! You can choke on some coffee while you hitch a ride."

"Like it would take me long to get picked up. I'm hot as shit."

"Whatever, Sharpie"

Jon squeezed my hand as I fixated my eyes on the road. I had to stop thinking of Brent. I just had to. But it was hard. His face was everywhere I looked, every song that I heard, just ... I just couldn't escape him.

We found a parking spot and I got out of the car. As I closed the car door, I lowered my head and began to cry yet again. I had no idea that Patrick got out on the same side as me, cause it was him who pulled me into a hug.

"You miss Brent, don't you?" I just nodded cause I was having a hard time comprehending.

"You can't tell Jon, okay?"

"I won't. Your secret's safe with me." He whispered.

"What's going on here?"

I wiped my eyes and looked over at Jon. "Nothing, I was still kinda shaky after my little spiel on the highway."

He bought the lie as we got into the airport and straight onto the runway of Vancouver International. Jon had his arms wrapped around me as we waited for the plane to refuel. I hated that he was leaving me, but I also hated that Brent was going to leave knowing I hated him. I mean, he really did anger me, but I don't really hate him. I saw him at the corner of my eye. He looked over at me and I darted my eyes down to my feet.

"I'm gunna miss you, Jon."

"I know, two months seems like too long .."

"Two and half actually." I corrected. "Wow, that sounds worse."

"It'll go by fast, I promise."

I nod before he places a tender kiss on my lips. His arms wrap around me one last time. I can feel the tears stinging at my eyes. I didn't want him to go. I hated being alone. I'm just going back to my depression I had when everyone left in the summer. This time it would be worse knowing Brent loved someone else. But, Jon and this team were my saving grace, they'd help me get through it. They already were.

"I'll phone you tonight, I promise." He says, then he kisses my forehead.

"Bye, Jonny."

He walks away and I try my best to hold it in. I hug Sharp, Steeger, Kaner, Bolland, some of the other guys and my brother goodbye. Then I see Brent. I contemplated running up and talking to him. Ah, the hell with it.

"Brent!"

He looks up. "What? Here to call me out again?"

Oh, this is how it's gunna be? "Forget it."

He sighs, "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for lashing out yesterday."

"Alright. Well, I hope you're happy with Jon." He lashes out this time.

"I am actually. I hope you're happy with ... whoever she is."

"I am."

"Good."

He raises his eyebrows at the silence. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, you're a fucking bastard."

I just glared at him before I walked away. Two and a half months without Jon. I don't know if I could survive. It seems like a lifetime for me. As I get into my car, my mind races, no - I was seeing him before the Olympics. Mark my words.